Soul Awakening

Cny

2012-01-28T22:45:00.000+08:00

I am now back from Chinese New Year. Not sure why this is written and for whom it is written, it would be good to record a glimpse of everything.

A lot of pending tasks require my attention, from research and teaching to church fellowship. One most memorable thing I had done during the new year is perhaps connecting with friends who happened to share the same faith as I do. We ask each other, encourage and uplift the spirit, knowing that God has indeed called His children to salvation and eternity. The path was tough, in fact, it was a dead end for us. If it wasn't God's grace, I would have been long dead. I always remembering myself with that sentence.

I treasure my walk with God. My belief in Jesus Christ does not only rescue and comfort my soul, It helps me to understand and make sense of the inequity surrounding me i.e. Why I am physically weak while others can afford a lifestyle so fascinating yet has no problem maintaining it. It also helps me to understand why I am put in my family, who I am really and what is the purpose of achieving high education, good income, love, family, houses and living to the ripe old age.

The Lord is gracious. Whatever He has planned, He has the power and authority to see it happen. My plan will not always prevail, in fact whatever things I have planned could not be effective without the direction of author of life. Well. How did I do that? I can't explain, it is mysterious yet with confidence I would say God is preparing me for the things to come.

The things to come I am saying, are referring to life changing, dramatic experience. I am very concerned of His second coming, but I can't talk about it publicly. Also, being on the battlefield for long, it is saddened to tell that almost none I had found share the same amount of God's affection as I do. It is sometimes distressing to fight alone. God's will or not I have no conclusion. But Paul did that. And Jesus only live for 33.5 years. Haha

If I have power, I want all of them to be saved. My family, friends, and the beloved, of whom I benefit the most from physically well fed, emotionally filled and spiritually nurtured. But what I've seen is disappointing. They are too worldly, and just like sheep they are too easily wandered to false doctrines (teaching that is pleasing to their ears), wolves (friends who bring them far from Christ), and even brethren (the believers whom their deeds need better reflection of what Christ has called then to be).

What can I do? Due to age superiority and social hierarchy, I can't achieve much with small voice. Neither my patience and tolerance helps them to realise their need of Christ. If only the barriers can be broken, that is, the heavy hearts of men and their pride.

After enjoying a week holiday at Bintulu, I did not get myself a plate of kampua, nor did I agree with the worldly custom to be held every year (try to find one occasion in the Bible of what happens to -and what it means by celebrating new year, as well as what God says about observing these things). What I treasure more is the bond of relationship among friends and relatives, and it is my desire that the fellowship shall not be polluted by gossips and backstabbing, which until today the things had not gone better, but worse. I would say, a foundation without Christ would constitute much problem, including a marriage relationship.

So, happy Chinese new year. May God find you and make your heart fully committed to Him. And may I always choose to honour God in everything I do, be it abstinence from worldly practice, or loneliness in defending the truth. We can twist His word as much as we want, but we cannot mock the justice of God.

And to you, whom I loved so much. Like the English idiom says, so close and yet so far. Let's hope that our relationship will be like with Jesus,

so far, yet so close.

11.57pm

2011-07-18T23:57:00.002+08:00

My God is greatly to be praised. With songs of praise I will sing.

When trouble comes, I must remind myself that I can handle this with God.

I must possess the character of humility to be used by God.

Lord one thing I ask, that is to dwell in your house, all the days of my life.

Let my words be few, lest I spoke of the things I don't mean.

It has come to a new semester, where I was employed for one semester. As day goes by, God slowly unveils the things I need to pay particular attention of.

A greater commitment, a wholehearted living sacrifice, an unwavering faith and empowered spirit, in which the Spirit of God testifies with my spirit that He alone is God.

Today the cell content covers on 'the man God could not use'. A few list of evident characters which restrict the usefulness of man in the eyes of God are: not listening to Him, think that we know best, shrink God, put a limit on God.

Please forgive me of not doing my best. I always thought that play safe is better than risk-my-life for uncertainty. Surely my God doesn't want a boy like this. Lots of empowerment and encouragement is needed for such a person to obey the Lord's call, to take care of the widows and orphans,

to set free from the oppressors those who have been oppressed.....

to obey the commandment,

to love one another,

to resist temptation,

to live a holy and righteous life,

to be a peacemaker of God,

to bear fruit

to not look back while following Jesus

to become the servant of God

to be the priest

to be Christlike...

after all, I just want to obey and love Him, because He is God. And He deserves everything from me.

Accepted

2011-06-24T00:45:00.000+08:00

"Behold, all things have been made new." I Receive- Hail to the King

O my soul

2011-06-20T23:09:00.000+08:00

Is my faith all to show?

O my soul, please plead before the Father.

If it is possible, let these trials be quick, and draw near the day of deliverance. For when that time comes, I don't have to ask you any more question.

Guard my heart, for it is the wellspring of life. Proverbs 4:23

To Save a Life

2011-06-19T23:23:00.007+08:00

The movie doesn't go as it seems, but it certainly centralize the thoughts of a main character in transformation and life-changing scenarios, when the girlfriend is pregnant, parent is getting a divorce, and best friend who literally saved his life years back committed suicide.

Saving a life sounds heroic, transforming a life should sound easier than the former.

This is my piece of life transformation, an account.

I used to be addicted to games, and that makes me less sociable ever since I entered secondary school. I missed out opportunity to know what life is all about until my university life.

One year in KL was tough, though I was able to secure half scholarship due to my foundation result. That time I was exposed to the maximum possible entertainment and leisure. I was glad that I insisted not to touch pubs and night life, partly due to my health condition back then.

My life seems to have a little transformation after I believe in Christ. It was that moment that I read John 3:16 in front of a crowd. It was in chinese. And I tell you, I read that somewhere!

Yes, I was brought to church since I was young, nevertheless I never really believe in His power and existence until more things come to a point as an evidence.

And this is the humble point, where that was(not the one above) my first time trusting God despite of my sickness, knowing that by my own I can't face the fear of tomorrow, the worries of everything. My future was shaken.

You guess the result, good. I believe that it is not by my own that I can receive all these. I mean, having a bad start in my university year but ended well is like another comeback story, and we all feel good about it.

What is next? A career, personal development, and those who are spiritually alive, a journey to heaven.

If I can save a life, I want to save the one whom I dearly cared for. Sounds like a wish game, but life doesn't work out that way. What if ....

I must have elaborated a lot, tomorrow I have morning class. I must extend my applause to you for reading this in full, nevertheless this passage can't save anyone.

God can.

Living in the risen Son

2011-06-18T09:18:00.004+08:00

1 Timothy 4:1-5

I charge you in the presence of God and of Christ Jesus, who is to judge the living and the dead, and by his appearing and his kingdom: preach the word; be ready in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke, and exhort, with complete patience and teaching. For the time is coming when people will not endure sound teaching, but having itching ears they will accumulate for themselves teachers to suit their own passions, and will turn away from listening to the truth and wander off into myths. As for you, always be sober-minded, endure suffering, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry.

Assurance of eternal life

2011-06-16T23:23:00.003+08:00

Eternal life, it is like the home for every Christian, for every person who boldly proclaim Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior, for everyone who is not ashamed of the good news of Christ, and for he who obeys and observes all the commandments laid down in the past.

The same God who said 'do not murder' also said do not commit adultery. James 2:11

If I break one law, it is as good as breaking every law. If I love all my brothers and sisters but hate one of them, I can consider myself a hypocrite.

I thought that I know much, but the more I know, the more the situation is like slapping my face as a declaration of my foolishness of understanding God's word.

What if I were to stand at the gate of heaven, and were asked why should I be allowed to enter His place of rest.

Songs are nice, rhythms are good, but my heart must be in tune with the Spirit of God.

How can I praise Him, the one whose name is the Holy One, while hatred fills my mind? Or, while I'm thinking what to eat later?

That's really bad, a lack of assurance of inheriting eternal life.

How can one understand the mind of God without consulting His word?

And how can one discerns the Spirit of God, unless he discerns the difference between the carnal mind which leads to the work of the flesh, and the Spirit, which leads to the work of the Spirit?

Is the pastor responsible in feeding me with Word of God, as good as daily bread, or, as precious as the air I breathe?

Our hearts are not too slow to realize. The responsibility of reading the Bible lays not in the pastor or leader or elder, nor the devotionals and spiritual reference books or online facebook verse.

Remember this verse? For whenever our treasure is, so also will our heart and soul be. Luke 12:34

Can we inherit eternal life as Jesus promised? We should know the answer perfectly well when we stand before the Son of Man, each one of us giving the account to God.

By the way......

Do I understand that God walked with me through those trials to prepare me for a ministry to others? The tragedies of life often force me to cry out to God. I watch as He takes my situation to bring glory to Himself and blessings to me. It would be sad for me to hold bitterness against God and blame Him for what I endured early in life. Never forget that God loves me dearly and brought me through those trials so I can experience His deeper presence in my life. God spared me to have a life filled with joy in my salvation and to give me the purpose and meaning for which I may be searching. Am I consciously aware of the Father loving me? He is.

Adapted. The Man God Uses, 26-27.

Being a disciple

2011-06-10T00:02:00.002+08:00

It is a decision that one chose to be a disciple under one master. And surely Jesus is not any inferior than any other modern masters adored by the world today like Bill Gates and Steve Jobs.

One verse, pointing what it takes to be a disciple is

Jesus called out to them, "Come, follow me, and I will show you how to fish for people!"

Matthew 4:19 NLT

A decision to come to God the Father, to let Him take control of the guilt in our lives, unforgiveness and hurt.

A decision to follow God by obeying what His Word directs and says, it is the Bible.

I have personally tested the goodness of the Lord, and I was compelled to write this down in one morning.:-

I was saved by Jesus when I was hopeless, broken and sick.

Now that I am well. It is my conscious decision to follow Him.

Be filled in the fullness of His love

2011-06-02T23:06:00.007+08:00

and to know this love that surpasses knowledge--

that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

Eph 3:19

The Lord makes every day special. I don't have to chase after the rainbow, climb the ladder the success to prove what I can achieve.

A message of God's love may seem repeating at first sight, but the speaker made it special with enthusiasm, with some humors in the middle of the message. He said, "it doesn't mean that if you have God, you life will be very smooth" "instead when you have God, even though the life is going to be problematic, God is able to turn the whole event for your goodness."

and we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Romans 8:28

I foresee my life as somehow hectic in the future, with the commitment of Master degree which requires me to attend weekend class every fortnight, couple with weekly workload of teaching hours. Nevertheless, God is able to restore my joy, as if I'm reminded of what and why I am here today in Kampar.

He fixes my eyes to what lies ahead, and as I stay focused to His calling, I will look at my next days, and the days to come as an opportunity of experiencing God's way of life. I don't have to set high goals, but God himself will be the ultimate and the foremost goal I will pursue for life. He, and His righteousness will be my every day guide, and His word I should mediate on it day and night.

May the power of Christ, and the leading of Holy Spirit keep me safe from what lies ahead. The challenge, fear, uncertainty, sickness, temptations are at times hard to manage, and it is so easy to lose sight of having Christ as center of life when things don't seem right.

No, my God is faithful, His blessings shall overtake me, His gift is abundant, and He is able to supply immeasurably more than what I could ask or imagine.

Jesus, is my reward. Amen.

the Father's Heart

2011-05-17T16:06:00.004+08:00

When the walls close in around me

Let Your glory light the darkness of my night
When the suffering's all that I see
May I walk with You by faith and not by sight

On the throne of sweet surrender
I have nothing but to offer You my life
Greater love I have not found it
Oh by mercy You have eased this troubled mind
Open hearted I will search and I will find

Whoa
Sin is broken
The lost now chosen
The Father's heart

Humble king You go before me

By Your grace I stand for everything that's true
Through Your Son I am made worthy
There's no other who can love me like You do
And forever I keep running back to You

You reign
You reign in all the earth
Whoa

Galatians 5

2011-05-09T23:10:00.002+08:00

Freedom in Christ, and live in the Holy Spirit.

Oh yeah...the history repeats itself

2011-05-07T22:54:00.005+08:00

That's the claim in the book of Ecclesiastes. The book so motivates me that I finish reading it repeatedly, and every round I learn new things (or simply absorb the remaining portion).

Well, ages past there happens the injustice, there's a great distinction between being a rich and a poor, and oppressor and the oppressed, the happy-go-lucky goer, the silly smile-always person, and hardworking person (as well as lazybones), the good and evil.

It shows so much contrast, and wisdom is compared to the foolishness. Yet both parties share the same fate, it is that both will die anyway.

The ideas are nice, the concept is good to the ears, there's no harm understanding all these, but one mustn't repeat the same mistakes in the past.

I remembered a saying by a trainer of teaching and learning programme hosted in my institution, something like

"The problem nowadays is that our generation [students] barely read, and how can we expect our generations to advance without reading?"

As an educator (soon to be, practically), I have the heart that students may equip themselves with relevant knowledge in their university years, whatever specialization they intend to further next time. Learning should make much sense by make it known to them the relevancy and usefulness of these knowledge when they go out to the workforce.

Should it make sense, that we push our young generation towards heavy written-examination assessed method. People who don't realise this may regard passing exams as the fundamental, and perhaps the only, requirement to be fit for working.

Meanwhile the generic skills, particularly the communication skill as my main research interest were rarely and poorly developed during my university journey. Presentations need not necessary make them prepared, nor does mandatory speech classes. Look at the enrollment rate of communication-based soft-skill, it's so few that the institutions decide to cancel the deal and focus on other fields.

Some are outspoken, some are timid, so their words are few. Some talk at the wrong time, and remain quiet when they are expected to raise an opinion. If this is normally distributed, we should expect, as James C. McCroskey claimed, one out of 5 acquaintances is communication apprehensive.

This, would be the study I go for, to study the cause, and possibly effect of communication apprehension.

Excited about God

2011-05-05T23:16:00.001+08:00

Now I realise I have to be excited about God.

Love God with all our hearts and strive to please Him.

The church, the body of Christ, as the Bible says, should provide encouragement to each other. Yes, there is!

I'm encouraged to eat more. Eat eat eat~~ wee wee~~

Royal Wedding: the Sermon

2011-04-29T21:55:00.011+08:00

Source: http://abcnews.go.com/International/video/royal-wedding-prince-william-kate-middleton-sermon-13488382

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"Be who God meant you to be and you will set the world on fire."

So said St Catherine of Siena whose festival day this is. Marriage is intended to be a way in which man and woman help each other to become what God meant each one to be, their deepest and truest selves.

Many are full of fear for the future of today's world but the message of the celebrations in this country and far beyond its shores is the right one – this is a joyful day! It is good that people in every continent are able to share in the celebrations because this is, as every wedding day should be, a day of hope.

In a sense every wedding is a royal wedding with the bride and groom as king and queen of creation, making a new life together so that life can flow through them to the future.

William and Catherine, you have chosen to be married in the sight of a generous God who so loved the world that he gave himself to us in the person of Jesus Christ.

In the Spirit of this generous God, husband and wife are to give themselves to one another.

Spiritual life grows as love finds its centre beyond ourselves. Faithful and committed relationships offer a door into the mystery of spiritual life in which we discover that the more we give of self, the richer we become in soul; the more we go beyond ourselves in love, the more we become our true selves and our spiritual beauty is more fully revealed. In marriage we are seeking to bring one another into fuller life.

It is of course hard to wean ourselves away from self-centredness. People can dream of such a thing but the hope will not be fulfilled without a solemn decision that, whatever the difficulties, we are committed to the way of generous love.

You have both made your decision today – "I will" – and by making this new relationship, you have aligned yourselves with what we believe is the way in which life is spiritually evolving, and which will lead to a creative future for the human race.

We stand looking forward to a century which is full of promise and full of peril. Human beings are confronting the question of how to use wisely the power which has been given to us through the discoveries of the last century. We shall not be converted to the promise of the future by more knowledge, but rather by an increase of loving wisdom and reverence, for life, for the earth and for one another.

Marriage should transform, as husband and wife make one another their work of art. This transformation is possible as long as we do not harbour ambitions to reform our partner. There must be no coercion if the Spirit is to flow; each must give the other space and freedom. Chaucer, the London poet, sums it up in a pithy phrase:

"Whan maistrie [mastery] comth, the God of Love anon,
Beteth his wynges, and farewell, he is gon."

As the reality of God has faded from so many lives in the West, there has been a corresponding inflation of expectations that personal relations alone will supply meaning and happiness in life. This is to load our partner with too great a burden. We are all incomplete: we all need the love which is secure, rather than oppressive, and mutual forgiveness, to thrive.

As we move towards our partner in love, following the example of Jesus Christ, the Holy Spirit is quickened within us and can increasingly fill our lives with light. This leads to a family life which offers the best conditions in which the next generation can receive and exchange those gifts which can overcome fear and division and incubate the coming world of the Spirit, whose fruits are love and joy and peace.

I pray that every one present and the many millions watching this ceremony and sharing in your joy today will do everything in their power to support and uphold you in your new life. I pray that God will bless you in the way of life you have chosen, a way which is expressed in the prayer that you have written together in preparation for this day:

God our Father, we thank you for our families; for the love that we share and for the joy of our marriage.
In the busyness of each day keep our eyes fixed on what is real and important in life and help us to be generous with our time and love and energy.
Strengthened by our union help us to serve and comfort those who suffer.
We ask this in the Spirit of Jesus Christ. Amen.

Monday win

2011-04-25T22:44:00.003+08:00

Love drums...great ending.. and myVi too.

To be cont'd. Galatians 2:17-21 NLT

Tougher

2011-04-24T00:36:00.003+08:00

Roads are tougher. The door closes one by one.

People expect more from me. I need to breathe and rest. Please give me time to eat, and please don't oppress my intelligence (or wisdom if it's called that way).

KPI, research papers, teaching excellence award, I am declaring that I don't need that to live, and I don't live for that!

Why am I working so hard? I can't please all parties at once!

I just want God's approval...

Just now did a little math, with 15 teaching hours and 4 consultation hours, coupled with 1-day SPSS training every fortnight, I'm afraid there is time left for serious research.

On top of that, it is not my will to work outside of workday, but I had compassion on them. I struggle to say no to people who come all the way (one under rain) to seek my guidance.

In this way, half of my Sunday is gone. And a rain ruins my sport plan, as usual.

Teaching at its best: not when I have no control.

Someone come, someone come, and fill the divide.

Kesaksian Penulis

2011-04-23T09:22:00.002+08:00

Saya dari Buddhist famili, dan ikut apa yang sedia ada. Sebagai remaja, saya merenung apa makna hidup saya di dunia.

Ia bermula semasa saya menuntut pengajian di universiti di tempat jauh dari keluarga. Saya menghadapi penyakit, kurang selera (sudah kurus), sentiasa risau/rimbang. Saya tak tahu apa yang boleh buat.

Kawan mengajak saya ke gereja, setelah itu saya merasai ketenangan, kurang risau, dan keadaan menjadi baik. Saya juga menyertai Kristian kem walaupun sakit. Saya sembuh cepat, dapat makan dengan biasa.

Selain itu, saya juga mendapat jawapan untuk makna hidup dalam firman Allah.

Saya berterima kasih atas kasihan DIA dalam hidup saya, dan saya ingin mengkongsi berita baik ini.

22 apr

2011-04-22T00:01:00.000+08:00

For goodness sake, I'm willing to be a fool again, than to see me proud and refuse the advice from all parties.

I thought I am so wise. But there is one thing that makes me to obey wholeheartedly- the word of God.

I want to change for Your kingdom sake. I want to take part in Your mission. I am willing to do what it takes to change.

Let Your faithfulness continues, just as sun rises and sets without fail. Amen.

Authority

2011-04-17T09:32:00.001+08:00

When authority and power are rejected, despised, and unrecognized.

I like it when it is said that GDI possesses air superiority against NOD.

Even so, a heroic Firehawk cannot do wonders without ground support. A single Mantis could take it down.

So, superiority?

=================
Second, God says 'honor your temple'. That means, look after your health, too.

Father God

2011-04-08T20:58:00.003+08:00

The working adult cell shared about chasing wild goose, the Holy Spirit, the untamed, and the unpredictable.

Yet IT is the empowerment, encouragement, comfort, counsel, companion, confidence, the very helper in times of my need.

It has been good all these while, with work settled as well as the order of the church. Then I self-reflect, asking if this is the life I want.

The recent trip to PwC- one of the big four consultancy firms, has affirmed my objective to stay in this little town for another years.

Perhaps the simple 'work-life balance' is what I seek, and a place to develop and utilize my talent, and to do the things I love. I love to teach, and I hope this fire will continue to burn as long as the passion doesn't fade like vapor. I love to be involved in lifelong learning too, so the signing up of Master degree will help accomplish that, as well as paper writing, google searching, to acquire understanding of how stuff works.

Another one, I love to play music. Drum, guitar, and before I go for another instrument, there are plenty of room of improvement, and I had found the great place to practice these. In fact it's from such a place that I am permitted to enjoy what I desire.

The above past studies indicated a strong relationship between personal hobby and future career...........

Some cool updates of life of a tutor. I ask for a humble spirit, a spirit who is teachable. I had forgotten the very reason I'm here- to be in the house of God. No wonder I feel powerless when works and commitments come unexpectedly, because I forget to draw strength from Him.

I had forgotten to pray these days. A simple prayer of mercy journey, saying grace before a meal, prayer to ask for strength, and prayer to the needs beside me... I feel sorry that I ever abandoned the powerful weapon, which I failed to realize.

But today, Father God, be with me. Be with me, and with of all the things I am entrusted. I was sorry that I forgot Your wonderful promise- You said you are the bread of life, you are living bread that comes down from heaven, you are my redeemer, you are the Lord my God, there is no other gods before you. You are my savior, my helper, my friend. You are who you say you are- the I AM, the beginning and the end.

You are the light of the world, the hosts of heaven praise Your holy name. You are the way, the truth, and the life. Thank you for picking up this hopeless life, and make it burn ablaze again. Thank you for seeing the tears and storing them up, where the comfort always come when I'm broken......

One day, the one next to me prayed 'Father God be with me'. I am touched.

Will the Lord bless the Performance Management subject?

MPhil

2011-03-30T23:21:00.003+08:00

Drafting research proposal for the entry of Master of Philosophy.

Something interesting is that I also drafted the cover page, put my name there, and put submission date June 2012. hahah... it shall give me motivation to complete it =)

wait, havent start..

Wow, it has been a tiring day, achieving nothing, just sit back and enjoy life. Walk in the garden, see people playing basketball, couple walking around, and guitar session. Yeah, it's life.

A change of status from the educated to the educator needs a lot of perspective shift. The way one talks, thinks, and speaks will speak volume of one's awareness of the role he plays in university.

Heh, why so serious? But attending a straight 3 tutorial classes, asking questions, and be approached by students for questions aren't the things I encounter all these while. And oh ya, the first paycheck came out, it is the first time i earned some bucks for living. Currently, I'm now drafting how much I should allocate for each part eg: saving, support for family, food etc.

Change may be the only constant for fresh graduate like me, and such change brings forth prospect and direction of life. I never know I will have my career over here after 4-year university. The convocation was a sweet memory =D

A lot of things happened these days. Most notably, I realise the need to make my belief relevant to people around me. Instead of chanting and self-indulging, I believe what James says about 'that kind of faith can't save anyone'.

I can be strong in outward look, and I'm trained to project relaxed confidence while speaking before the crowd, but I can't escape from fear in my heart, the pain of the past, and the insecurity for the uncertainty ahead. It's God who sustained and is sustaining me today. I am just a fool if I claim all of the honor myself; first class, overcomer, smart.

So what's next? A master degree commitment while tutoring would fulfill my current goal as a scholar and teacher. Nevertheless, I will keep my options open to what drives my passion.

Life working

2011-03-24T18:31:00.000+08:00

Working life? Or does life works as what we want?

Convocation has passed. The honor is delivered. Now it's the time for show, to apply what one has learned and contribute to the society.

God is faithful in everything He has promised. I am glad that I'm able to work =)

Work not for paycheck. Go according to the passion, and most importantly, the one which fits your purpose of life.

Purpose of life? Deep eh? hehe =D

Forget what you memorise in the past?

2011-03-02T23:25:00.004+08:00

It's a stage, another stage of life, to have a major change of my social circle for the sake of career and the commitment I am pursuing right here in Kampar. A process to adapt to the environment always make me think of the past.

The Bible says, I should not look at the past, I should strive to what lies ahead, to receive the crown of life (Philippians). While the new testaments are mostly filled with God's love and encouragement, the old testaments that I am journeying through aren't so much reflecting the nature of God - as love, but in fact a God who is just, who holds the power of the universe, who examines the secret motives and reward them accordingly, who causes a lot of destruction to the faithless generation, but blessing came upon those who endured the hardship.

Today, perhaps the best blessing we can see around us is the ability for us to reap what we sow. When this blessing is taken away from them, especially the Christians, it's a signal of God making a move, whether to change, to challenge, to call for a repentance, to test.

I were once so angry with God of why my effort didn't turn into the fruit. I had worked and carried out my task as a student, in the fear of the Lord that I don't cheat, plagiarize, or take short-cuts in my studies. I actively participate in classroom, partly to please the educators who were willing to serve the students including me, partly to demonstrate the role of a responsible student.

No, it didn't happen as to what I expect. I got the lowest mark in the mid-term, while I had the highest participation among all in the class. The tutor seemed helpless in my situation, and I was so upset due to the marking style, which is, any answer beyond or outside the scope of what is prepared in a marking scheme shall not be awarded marks.

I pleaded, what kind of marking system is this, that it should prepare students in critical thinking next time? Aren't you satisfied with the planned answers in the slides, and textbook? If so, you are producing an excellent memorizer, or copy machine, and send them into the society right after they graduate.

Now, come and see. How many of them struggling out there? The taste of being scolded by superiors because of overlooking some aspects into the work paper, failed to comply with standard operating procedure, and weak in making sound decision aren't as nice as what we had in the classroom, where many chances are given to speak up, to share, to debate. Well, the good ol' days hd gone. Now they don't recognise what they had learned during their university lives due to difficulty in applying the knowledge in their work.

Look, auditing, accounting, taxation, management accounting, financial accounting, finance, organizational behavior, human resource management, principles of business management, corporate governance... have you all forgotten that?

Or forget what you memorise in the past?

Maybe book can't help, but knowledge definitely does. And wisdom surpasses the former.

I say, go and cherish wisdom. University may not teach that, but you are old enough to discern what is right and wrong. See what the society is promoting, then ask your heart. Work with wisdom, not with money.

Even so, the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom (Psalm 111:10). Career may last quite a while, possibly 40 years, but life is more than just working. You have family, friends, loved ones, colleagues, then dreams, passions, wishes, then character, value, ethics.

Know how the universe works, or at least trying to know about it. Then live in it wisely. Note: Wisdom.

John 5:15-45

2011-02-23T17:56:00.000+08:00

This passage is concerning the authority of the Son [Jesus] and, testimonies about Jesus.

15 Then the man left and told the Jewish authorities that it was Jesus who had

healed him. 16 So they began to persecute Jesus, because he had done this

healing on a Sabbath. 17 Jesus answered them, "My Father is always working,

and I too must work." 18 This saying made the Jewish authorities all the more

determined to kill him; not only had he broken the Sabbath law, but he had

said that God was his own Father and in this way had made himself equal with

God. 19 So Jesus answered them, "I tell you the truth: the Son can do nothing

on his own; he does only what he sees his Father doing. What the Father

does, the Son also does. 20 For the Father loves the Son and shows him all

that he himself is doing. He will show him even greater things to do than this,

and you will all be amazed. 21 Just as the Father raises the dead and gives

them life, in the same way the Son gives life to those he wants to. 22 Nor

does the Father himself judge anyone. He has given his Son the full right to

judge, 23 so that all will honor the Son in the same way as they honor the

Father. Whoever does not honor the Son does not honor the Father who sent

him. 24 "I am telling you the truth: those who hear my words and believe in

him who sent me have eternal life. They will not be judged, but have already

passed from death to life. 25 I am telling you the truth: the time is coming -

the time has already come - when the dead will hear the voice of the Son of

God, and those who hear it will come to life. 26 Just as the Father is himself

the source of life, in the same way he has made his Son to be the source of

life. 27 And he has given the Son the right to judge, because he is the Son of

Man. 28 Do not be surprised at this; the time is coming when all the dead will

hear his voice 29 and come out of their graves: those who have done good will

rise and live, and those who have done evil will rise and be condemned. 30 "I

can do nothing on my own authority; I judge only as God tells me, so my

judgment is right, because I am not trying to do what I want, but only what he

who sent me wants. 31 "If I testify on my own behalf, what I say is not to

be accepted as real proof. 32 But there is someone else who testifies on my

behalf, and I know that what he says about me is true. 33 John is the one to

whom you sent your messengers, and he spoke on behalf of the truth. 34 It is

not that I must have a human witness; I say this only in order that you may be

saved. 35 John was like a lamp, burning and shining, and you were willing for a

while to enjoy his light. 36 But I have a witness on my behalf which is even

greater than the witness that John gave: what I do, that is, the deeds my

Father gave me to do, these speak on my behalf and show that the Father has

sent me. 37 And the Father, who sent me, also testifies on my behalf. You

have never heard his voice or seen his face, 38 and you do not keep his

message in your hearts, for you do not believe in the one whom he sent. 39

You study the Scriptures, because you think that in them you will find eternal

life. And these very Scriptures speak about me! 40 Yet you are not willing to

come to me in order to have life. 41 "I am not looking for human praise. 42 But

I know what kind of people you are, and I know that you have no love for God

in your hearts. 43 I have come with my Father's authority, but you have not

received me; when, however, someone comes with his own authority, you will

receive him. 44 You like to receive praise from one another, but you do not try

to win praise from the one who alone is God; how, then, can you believe me?

45 Do not think, however, that I am the one who will accuse you to my Father

. Moses, in whom you have put your hope, is the very one who will accuse you.

46 If you had really believed Moses, you would have believed me, because he

wrote about me. 47 But since you do not believe what he wrote, how can you

believe what I say?"[Adopted Good News Bible]

You brought me home.

2011-02-21T18:23:00.001+08:00

When I read 'Outlive Your Life', this video comes into my mind.

"So, it's simple. To love God, is to serve the poor and needy."

Song: You brought me home- Hillsong London

Defend the cause of the poor and needy... "is that not what it means to know me?" declares the Lord.

Jeremiah 22:16

Boundaries

2011-02-17T23:28:00.000+08:00

Rebuild the fences you once trampled, avoid the activities that drawn you away. A man of principle shall born.

Cherish your integrity, guard your vow, for when you honor God with your commitment, you will likewise be honored by God.

Long sickness has gone, now it's time to put on some weight =)

The Lord is good and faithful, I've been journeying both sweet and sour paths, and I'm glad that I'm still alive, I'm still on the path.

Am I? Yes, your word is the lamp unto my feet, I am assured. Your word is the light unto my path, or I will lost my way.

Thank you Lord for taking care of me all these while. I'm willing to go on for this journey.

Literal wand!

2011-02-05T21:40:00.000+08:00

The transition is painful, I can't help but in order to keep everything in peace, I can only wait patiently.

If I am smart, I should be able to turn the table to make my weakness an advantage. No, maybe I'm not that smart.

Few days in hometown, and few things had not gone properly. First the, second the, third the, it's undisclosed to avoid subsequent follow-up and questioning.

Blessed are the happiness pursuers, for they had it all in this life, and they build their happiness on top of somebody's ashes.

Blessed are the self-centered, for all the benefits belong to them, and the blessing shall pursue them all the way until their last breath.

Psalm 73 is painful to swallow, but today it's not bible discussion. When reality collides with dreams, when expectation crashes with disappointment, and when mixed feelings blend with suppression from the upper authority.

It's hard. It's hard to apply my hope to my current situation. I literally lose strength when the sickness strickes me for more than a fortnight. And guess who do I cry to, I receive no help and comfort but greater burdens.

Where is my strength to change the world? No, I lost my freedom of speech in such a situation, being an extrovert I can't possibly imagine my introvert personality to take place. It's virtually impossible to give my best.

So we have literal wand, when I've been given a wand-like firework that night. Sparks fly vertically into the skies, it flies higher and higher, and in fact highest among all.

Then it fades.

My glory may fade when my health and strength continue to fail me. But I know there is a spark that flies high and never put up. This glory belongs to my God in Heaven, who gives, and takes away.

I don't mean to fail anyone who have high hopes on me. In fact I'm called to succeed, be great, be fruitful.

When will it ends, for a time that my loved ones are satisfied. But let me do the wand again, I just want to support.

May God have the highest glory and honor in whatever they do, whatever I do. Amen.

Happy CNY 2011

2011-02-03T21:29:00.001+08:00

It's a joy to be able to meet with people who care for you all the way until you graduate, and reached home safely.

During this festival, I pray for blessing of God to be upon my family. This prayer is especially reserved to them during my absence for the possible next 1 year.

What will happen next? There is flood, people are having joy playing with fireworks while the other families struggling for living. More than plain love and relationship, troubles and conflicts are the obstacles to happiness.

Have they found it? Or has the Lord diligently seek them?

"It is good to have strong values and to maintain it, in everything I do."

Thanks for all the blessings you laid on a simple sms. Maybe I'm the first in your handphone list since my name is Alex, haha, and that makes you remember of me.

Well, thanks for the blessing of my future career as tutor, and my health, too! I really need it.

In the mean time, let the spirit of love continue to visit us as we appreciate each other's presence. May God's blessing be upon ye, in your life.

Let it be. Happy chinese new year!

By the way, I saw a very young couple, 非常像！somemore it's under little rain and at night, hahahahahha. okok.

The road

2011-01-24T15:18:00.002+08:00

Today we talked. I replied I have never seen a vision before. But I'm afraid to tell what I sense to be next.

We'll need a lot of strength to go through this. Every person among us face problems, if we don't share it out, we're going to swallow it ourselves, and let the guilt and disappointment kill us day by day.

Have we forgotten we have a glorious God, to whom we proclaim He is Lord? If He is Lord, tell him our problems. He is my Lord when I say He is, He will be the Lord over my everything.

But the days are coming, when the fiery tests come one by one, and we must rely on God's strength to go through each one. He has given us peace, so use it! He has asked us to pray for strength, so pray about it! He bends down and listen to the righteous, so don't stop asking!

The self-reliant attitude has blinded many of us. Even I sometimes assert my logic mind into God's word, in the end I don't understand what God is saying. This life is more than just being righteous and holy according to the standard of God (by the way, no man can achieve that except through Jesus, who is the righteousness we have in God). No, we have to be fruitful, and be the overcomer. Where is our faith? Have they seen? Where is our deed? Are they challenged and encouraged?

Have we forgotten that God listens to the righteous? Embrace yourself, and start impacting the society with the very principle God has taught you. But first, please repent. Just like baptism is a symbol of total turning away from sin and turn to God, repentance needs to take place, if possible, even on daily basis.

The road is wide, it looks smooth. We should know where it leads if we continue to let the world tell us what is right.

Ask yourself, is it right?

Journey of faith

2011-01-15T23:47:00.000+08:00

Hmm, this time the body recovers a lot faster than before. The time is now, that I'm in the halfway, the middle of the lake.

I like the phrase, when a sermon touched about my situation as if I'm in the middle of the lake. What cause me to wonder is that why is there wave on the lake? (Mark 4) So there is a storm, so a huge wave is formed and hit against my boat. Once, twice, thrice.. I'm drowning.

Why this, why me again. Do I have an authority to question this? Why put me in inferior position, as though I'm going to fight the war without a shield and a weapon? Or, somebody struck me on my side, and then immediately ask me to get up and keep going.

I've sang many praise songs, for all praise is due to my God. I've sang worship, for my lifestyle is a worship, a submissive life unto my God, with reverence and fear. I've sang thanksgiving song, I should be thankful to have every moment I have right now.

Yes, the body recovers faster. I don't even know what is the reason of my fear. I fear for having not enough food, by judging physically that my body needs energy all day long, I crave for things that is healthy. But all these don't help. Perhaps a medical check up is needed, and I pray that I have the courage to accept whatever the result is.

The stomach, or the digestive system isn't cooperating last night and this morning. With faith again I carry a body of discomfort waking up early in the morning heading for car lesson. The experience is very frightening, it's like you will fall any time. I can't help due to past experience, I need a greater affirmation of the condition of my body before I can go further.

Even so, I have a sister who loves and cares for me. (i have to address this verbally before it is too late), I have my brothers who sacrificed for my study, who spend time chit-chatting with me, badminton, meals, going church together, my father for being there, of whom I'm not fatherless. To my deceased mother, of whom I'm made to be loved, and to love, forever a boy after her heart. To my immediate families who offer financial help, hospitality, counsel, care, to brothers and sisters in Christ, who made me acceptable in the family of God, I felt loved again after the fall.

To God, who gives and takes away.

Sometimes I wonder where I am, I thought I've had the good fight, but the journey of faith gets harder and harder. Can I see the other side of the lake? When the storm closes in, I'm so overwhelmed.

I'm near to hopelessness. Yet I still dare to hope. Use me, Lord, and be the strength of my heart to go on the next wave.

The cup

2011-01-10T23:54:00.001+08:00

Can you imagine? When the cup is full, full of blessing.

Wonderstruck, seeing hope is restored, love is found, faith is secured.

There could be more, but let me count. I know I don't deserve it, but today I've finally tasted the fruit of the labor.

That itself, truly, is the blessing God gives to mankind, which is to be able to reap what one sows.

Thank God for approval of my academic standing, finalizing my grade at sharp 3.5000 cgpa in the last race. The cries, desperation, and hopelessness are no longer found, or maybe it is on somebody's shoulder right now.

Maybe this number really signifies a lot. First class bachelor, first class attitude, first class God. In Him, all things were made beautiful.

Can the cups share the same amount of water? Hmm, I'm not skilled in paraphrase a thought into a poem-alike sentence.

One thing I should remind myself, the life start from now, would require a somewhat radical shift in perception, lifestyle, and even priority.

Looked at the printed resume, so finally I'll serve an employer, utilizing whatever I have, and play a part in the workforce.

That's it, I have to admit that I'm very happy, I should be glad, it's my defining moment, it's another great testimony of God's faithfulness, it's a strengthening of faith to have walked this far.

I wish to share this happiness to the ones I love.

Draw me closer

2011-01-02T23:51:00.001+08:00

It hurts alot to believe in something I can't see. The faith is the main play.

Day dawn, sun set, over 4 years I've remain faithful, and this is what I get. This night is sparkling, don't you let it go?

I'm glad people see me as a reliable person. Am I so strong to be depended upon? Where is my wall then?

Gonna go back Kampar again. This round we'll do greater things.

You may think that nobody really knows you in this world. I want to tell you, God knows you, and He will call you by name.

It's a pain to forgo lunch, I didn't intend to! But, I must learn to live with everything, and with nothing I must be content and thank God for who I am today.

God, be my comfort, draw me closer.

Blessed Cause

2010-12-30T11:38:00.002+08:00

If you do not know God, know this, you are precious to Him, more precious than my comfort, more precious than my life on earth, more precious than even the earthly life of His only begotten Son. You are beloved, no matter what you've ever done or said. You are passionately loved by your Holy Father who longs to pour His mercy out upon you. Seek Him and you will find Him. Seek Him and live.

adopted: http://www.blessedcause.org/BlessedCause%20Exclusives/Heart%20of%20the%20Earth.htm

Are you a sinner?

2010-12-29T23:01:00.004+08:00

I ask you, are you a sinner? Have you ever lied, stolen, lusted, coveted, or been angry with someone unjustly? If so, then you have broken the Law of God. God has said "You shall not steal; You shall not lie; You shall have no other gods before Me; You shall not murder, etc.," (Exodus 20). He has given the standard of righteousness and if you have broken any of God's commandments then you have fallen short of that standard and are under the inevitable judgment of God. When you die, you will face Him and on the Day of Judgment he will deliver the proper judgment to all people. He must because he is righteous.

If you do not like this teaching, then throw away your Bible and turn away from Christ, for this is the message of God's word -- that Jesus came to die for sinners and to save them from the wrath to come.

Jesus is the One you need. You need him alone. Your works won't help you (Rom. 3:10-12; Isaiah 64:6), nor will your sincerity. You can never be good enough and you have nothing to offer God except your sinfulness. It is only by the love and grace of God found in Jesus and His sacrifice that you can be delivered from the righteous wrath of God upon all who have broken His law.

Jesus saves you from God. Jesus saves you from God's righteous judgment.

On the Day of Judgment God will judge all people for their sins against Him. He will judge all who have lied, stolen, cheated, lusted, dishonored their parents, etc. He will do this because He is holy and righteous. God must punish the sinner. God cannot and will not ignore the person who has broken His righteous law. The Law is a reflection of the character of God. Therefore, to break God's law is to offend God and deny the holiness of His character. He will be vindicated. He will judge.

The Bible says that all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God (Rom. 3:23). That means that your sins have caused a separation between you and God (Isaiah 59:2) and the result is death (Rom. 6:23) and wrath (Eph. 2:3). The only way to be saved from the wrath of God, is to be saved from it by faith in Christ (Eph. 2:8-9; Rom. 5:1). You must trust in what Jesus did on the cross to forgive you of your sins and not trust anything else, not even your own sincerity or works. It is Jesus and only Jesus who can turn away the righteous judgment of God upon the sinner.

adopted: http://carm.org/jesus-saves

You come in the rain

2010-12-25T23:29:00.003+08:00

Next chapter: don't have to go that far anymore.

Another few hours of sleep, just nice. Office attire ready, a study bible woohoo!, air-con room.

People screamed what is the meaning of life. Tak da kerja, goyang kaki tiap tiap ari, sui...

Selah

2010-12-25T22:09:00.001+08:00

The first time I encounter the word, surprisingly, it's not in the Bible, but in a song.

A song titled Selah (Perfect Love), it is a minus 1 (no vocals), and it sounds so good the first time I listened to it. It is in Hail to the King album by Hillsong London.

Memories, the exact same place, perhaps same pillow, same position, just that this time it's after graduation.

Called myself an unemployed, I ponder of what people are celebrating about Christmas.

'Your name O Lord, endures forever; Your fame O Lord for all time.'

No, you can't spot things like that in Sunway Pyramid on Christmas eve. I saw the awesome decoration, but Jesus is missing.

Stayed in kl for the second day, once again I walked into a cinema, nice floor, sound effect, seats, less people... maybe I have to calm myself in this quiet atmosphere. I'm quite grateful to be able to grasp what CS Lewis wanted to depict, the image of Christ in Aslan the Lion, as he said I must learn to recognize his name in my world.

Things all went well until the evil comes. He seems to corrupt every goodness. A relationship can be so bad that the anger and jealousy contribute thicker and thicker wall between each other. People no longer share their secret thoughts, they are self-centered, self-motivated, self-gain.

The Christmas carol is so nice, not in shopping mall, but within a 4-wall church building. Silent night, holy night, I can't hold my tear, knowing that my Savior comes in such a lowly manner just to save me. I'm forgiven, because He was forsaken. I'm alive and well, Your spirit is within me, because You died and rose again.

What a well timed interlude, before I engage my footstep to another stage of life- the career. That night KL encouraged me, felt that the burden is too hard for me to bear. And the scene in "facing the Giant" kept replaying in my mind, as I am screaming to God, 'it hurts!'

.... 'I know it hurts just keep going!'

It takes more than just courage to press on in my life. It costs too much to have greater faith in the One who is unseen. The still small voice, no wonder, it is in the book of Kings, now I'm convinced of the His greatness in changing lives, mine, my friends, co-workers in Christ.

Is it wrong for a man of God to weep? My conscience may be clear but it does not matter, God Himself has the power to discern my every thought, every secret motive. In the ministry, I worship, fellowship, disciple, evangelize. At home, I pray, read, and sing. With friends, I joke, listen, share.

What awaits me in future? Is there another series of conflicts and ungodliness? Well said in the service, it is very sad to see that we can't find not even a hint of Jesus Christ on Christmas day in shopping malls.

While we were sitting in computers peacefully, posting merry Christmas here and there, there are groups of Christians in the other part of the world, who are oppressed, killed, and persecuted because they embrace the name of the Holy One, the Alpha and the Omega. He is the bright morning star.

Merry Christmas, love of Jesus set me free.

Retro

2010-12-22T00:58:00.000+08:00

Today Sam and I had a walk around our campus. The pathway I used to travel, the stairs, atm machine (wait who put that Yes Mobile there?), and also talked to some heads, greeting the lecturers, joked around saying we'll be colleague next time if I successfully secure a tutor post.

It could be more than just ordinary routine. A visit to Division of Human Resource (for the second time), visitation of head, or just sitting in library reading magazines. The cool and quiet atmosphere fills the place rather than a crowded library I used to see in the past.

My driving lesson is stuck in the process. Until the job is confirmed I find hard to convince myself to learn it.

Seeing the students walking out from exam hall, I am glad that I had the moment. So, I'm officially unemployed, strange thing is that I like that status.

Buying a car

2010-11-30T11:25:00.005+08:00

Next chapter: Buying a car

Hmm, after few days of 'researching' on current car market, including the second hand market like car auction or through car dealers, I have arrived to the following choices.

1) Viva 850

Specification

Firstly, it is with manual transmission. It shouldn't be a problem since I'm going to learn to drive any time soon. Adapting manual transmission vehicle right after a 'Competent Driving Licence' will continue to test my driving skill beyond the test drive boundary.

Secondly, it's fuel efficient (well it's based on the review on internet). But I doubt a 4 or 5 person in a Viva over a long distance will be good in terms of its FC. Since it's for personal use and occasional fetching, it shouldn't be a major problem.

Thirdly, it's affordable. General rule suggests that my annual salary will determine the value of car I'm buying. So the nearest possibility among the choices is viva 850 with 'solid' price around RM32,500. Using the loan calculator, I am to pay around RM500 for 5 years, given the interest rate of 3.5%, and around 6k downpayment.

*Perodua interest rate is higher than toyota =/

Some downsides include numerous 'bumps' along the distance between UTAR and my hostel and to new town too. I think there is more than 10 bumps, so I can't drive fast, and constant switching gear of 1 and 2 is not fuel efficient.

2) Second hand Kenari, Kelisa

Kelisa

Given a car age of 5 to 7 years pricing around RM20k, it is a cheaper solution compared to the new car commitment.

Risk: The car might not worth the value, second hand car is subject to fraud, bad maintenance of previous owner, and dishonest conduct along the transaction process.

3) Second hand Nissan Sunny (suggested by my friend)

Cheapest solution for car transport. Cash outright a '80 or '90 Nissan Sunny around 3k to 6k and then fully repair it.

Rumors: This car is tough, spare part is cheap, fuel efficient, giving less problem to the driver (less broke down)

I'm quite attracted to the third choice, as getting a car by cash will save me a lot at the expense of occasional vehicle break down (air con, gearbox, oil leakage, battery etc). A plus point is that I can save a larger downpayment for around two years before I sold the car for my dream car, MyVi SE

4) MyVi 1.3 (just dream haha)

Second hand Myvi 1.3 EZi (manu/reg:2009) price around RM38,500

New Myvi (new model around march/april 2011): Price around RM51,000
--->this is current model

Current Myvi SE price: around RM48k (MT), RM51k (AT)

aiks, have to wait for another two years... Reality =)

Entrust

2010-11-26T10:38:00.001+08:00

Reserved portion.

Next chapter: The resource I am entrusted with.

I throw my life before Your holy throne~ all the world will see your kingdom come~

Okay, the resource I am entrusted with, it could refer to material thing ranging from laptop to handphone, not to mention the ten, twenty, (possibly) fifty or hundred sets of clothes, guitar, books, money, ipod.

Implicitly, the resource I am entrusted with could refer to my mind (ability to learn), hands and feet (ability to move and do things), a body (existence as a mankind to interact with the world), a soul (something that yearn for eternity and Holy Spirit), a heart (to feel). What else? I actually do not know I have been given so much resource until I wrote it one by one.

So with all these available resource, I specialize myself in engaging in three fields, namely academic, ministry, and music, which are translated to scholar, teacher, and musician.

Yesterday I had an interesting discussion with my cell members concerning the spiritual gift of teaching. A spiritual gift, according to the Bible, is used to build up the church. So it could mean teaching the word of God in either one-to-one for one to many situation.

I utilize these days to arrive at these goals, that if God allows, I will go toward the directions I've set. In fact, a lifestyle of a disciple of Christ, sometimes I would like to use 'slave of Christ', I am to live a Christ honouring lifestyle, reflecting Him in my every doing.

Hmm, it sounds too general in context. With these gift and talents I am entrusted with, I will fan to flame whatever is given to me by God, multiply it for His glory.

We'll talk more in future. But as for now

Scholar
Teacher
Musician

Carrier, I have a mission

2010-11-23T17:37:00.003+08:00

Reserved portion for upcoming Thursday.

Update#1 as at 11.12pm 25/11/2010

Everytime when I go back to house of God is like a reminder of the commitment I have in Christ, to be like Him and be His expression to His loved ones. Just a week of absence and I found myself astray to the teaching of the world like love yourself, do what is best of you. The Bible says love my neighbor as much as how much I love myself. At least, for the next 2 years I'll hold myself accountable to the church, just to make sure that I don't stray away from where God has found me.

Or should I say, I will build my faith to a level when I don't need to be reminded of how good my God is in my life. Even so, I can't figure out how God works in my life, but with such accountability to the church I will play my part as the member of body of Christ, to be where I am, and to do what He has passed on to us.

The meeting with the dean for the second time this afternoon was really awesome, and I was so caught up with the dreams and how my future life will be when I was trying to have a nap after a-day long outstation. Seriously, receiving applaud and affirmation were something sweet and it builds my character in persevering to what is right and just.

Some say just go and be a middle-man, but the word of God perfectly described that I can't serve both masters, and I can't partake the fellowship with the devil while enjoying the blessing of God. If being righteous and holy is hard, I believe God who is faithful will enable His people to endure the hardship, and just as the pastor shared this evening, that a gold in the eyes of God will have to go through fiery trials so that the impurities may be removed, thus producing a pure gold.

About the sermon, it could be the best sermon I've ever heard. Yeah, I'm an easily impressed person. But the message titled 'the faith of greater worth', emphasizing the element of faith in the walk with God. We often say walk by faith, and faith is defined as believing in something yet unseen.

He also said, a person without faith is impossible to please God.

He also said, salvation is received by faith. Those who believe shall receive.

God saved you by his special favor when you believed. And you can't take credit for this; it is a gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it. Ephesians 2:8-9

And I'm glad that my trouble is resolved by this verse alone, which was displayed on screen tonight. So right on the target.

So, dear brothers and sisters, be strong and steady, always enthusiastic about the Lord's work, for you know that nothing you do for the Lord is never useless. 1 Corinthians 15:58

This verse is the answer to the complaint I had few days ago, which is written below.

So, that's it for tonight. Work life may be exciting, but don't let the money get into the head of your mind. Be sure of your interest, and most importantly, let God direct the path, for His way is always good, pleasing, and perfect.

Take care, and God bless.

====

Time: Few days ago

In the mean time, I am tired looking and persevering in this ugly system, corrupted speech, twisted truth, and I will use the word 'wicked' for those who cherish themselves too often at the expense of others.

I can't just continue to stand by everyone's side and help, I have to move on. If I've planted the seed in your heart, by God's mercy, and if He is willing, may He reveal His eternal truth and love to you. Otherwise, I'm just a cymbal making noise in front of the crowd.

It is maybe a test of endurance, just as Paul said, in a race everyone runs. I run for the eternal prize- Jesus Christ. I cherish His name and His glory, and His love and grace will be sufficient in my every day. But seeing my work in vain is really something hurtful, something that kill and discourage me in holding on to what I think is right.

Wait, is what I think really matter? I am very thankful for all the blessings God has bestowed on me, along with sufferings, too. To be a soldier of Christ takes more than just sacrifice. I'll add the word willing sacrifice, for the sake of His truth, and while I am on earth, I can and I'll choose carry on His will.

And until one day when I leave, I will not regret I've done these things to you, to encourage you, lift you up in times of need, share pain with you, teach you, be a listener, consultant, or just an ordinary hi-bye friend to you. If my presence does make any significance, wait, that too, doesn't matter.

I'm glad to be here. I'm glad that I'm found, and I'll continue to carry on what is undone, and I'll do it quickly before He returns anytime soon.

Be strong in the grace of God.

Characteristics to look for in a future husband / wife

2010-11-18T15:39:00.001+08:00

Retrieved 18 November 2010 from http://www.byfaith.co.uk/paulni550p.htm

1. Are they devoted to Christ? Are they right with God and do they walk close with Him? 2 Corinthians 5:15. Will they draw you nearer to or away from the Lord’s will for your life? Isaiah 5:20, 2 Corinthians 13:5. Do you want to spend the rest of your life with someone who may one day hate your love for God? 2 Corinthians 6:14.

2. Look for the correct priorities. Do they want to fulfil the plan that God has for you both, or are they committed to money, position in society and pleasure? Will they put their work life before you and maybe one day the kids? Proverbs 23:4, Matthew 6:33.

3. Do they walk in the love of God? We all have our bad days – but do they treat you with respect? Can you see the peace of God flowing from them? 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a. Are they vindictive towards other people – one day they may be that way towards you, Proverbs 27:5-6. Do they totally lose their temper? Ephesians 4:26-27. Do you feel safe with him / her? Proverbs warns us not to get involved with someone who is constantly irritable and contentious Proverbs 21:9, 19. Do they moan all of the time? Do you see the fruit of the Spirit in them now? Galatians 5:22-23.

4. Are they an honest person? Can you trust him / her? Are they a person of their word? Imagine spending the rest of your life with someone whom you cannot trust; they promise – but rarely fulfil. They lie to get out of difficult situations Numbers 30:2, Psalm 15:1-4b and Proverbs 24:1. Do you think you would be happy with that person?

5. Are they responsible? Do you want to spend your life working hard, when your husband / wife is a selfish, lazy person who ignores their responsibilities? Proverbs 14:23, Proverbs 21:25, Proverbs 22:13, Proverbs 26:13 and 2 Thessalonians 3:6-15.

6. Do they exercise self control? Luke 9:23. Does he or she binge drink? Ephesians 5:18. Are they addicted to drugs, alcohol, sex, work etc? If they have not valued sexual purity before marriage – will they remain pure throughout the whole marriage – even during the long difficult times? Proverbs 5:15-20 and 1 Corinthians 6:19-20.

7. What is their attitude towards money? Will they waste the grocery money on expensive brand name shoes, because they are an impulsive shopper? Luke 9:23. Could they send you spiralling into debt by buying a big car or expensive dress without consulting you? Do they gamble? Will they bring a big debt into the marriage? Proverbs 22:7 and Luke 14:28-30. Do they tithe and give offerings to God? Could they put their ‘wants’ above your future families needs? 1 Timothy 5:8.

8. Are they committed to fellowship in church? Are they humble and willing to serve others? 1 Peter 5:5-6. You really don’t want to find out that they are a backslider after six months of marriage! Hebrews 10:25.

9. Do they honour their / your parents? We all know the joke about the mother-in-law; but the Scripture does promise that all will go well with us if we honour our parents Ephesians 6:2-3.

10. Do you love them for their inner beauty? Physical attraction is important, but age does catch up with us all! The Lord looks at the heart and we need wisdom to see past their outward appearance to the heart 1 Samuel 16:7, 1 Peter 3:2-4.

Proverbs 31:30 ‘Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.’

11. Has love blinded you? Sometimes everyone else can see that the person you are with is unsuitable – but our feelings can completely blind us! If your friends, family, pastor and church all tell you not to get married – you will need to consider their advice carefully! Seek God very urgently! Proverbs 11:14 and 20:18a.

On the other hand, many leaders told John Wesley not to marry a great Christian girl because it was not good for the Methodist movement. See Job 12:12, Job 32:9. He was so heart-broken that later he married without consulting anyone – unfortunately for him – he married a bad apple. People testified to seeing his wife pull him around by the hair!!

12. Beware of unrealistic expectations! The list above is good: but remember there is no perfect prince charming or princess out there! We are all real people, with real problems and faults. Are you ready to deal with their and your problems? Proverbs 19:11, John 12:24, Romans 12:9-12, Galatians 2:20, 2 Timothy 2:24-26.

Some think that marriage will solve all of their problems, whilst others marry for all the wrong reasons: such as being caught up in the excitement of a proposal, fear of being left on the shelf, an excuse to escape a bad family atmosphere or to give up work forever under the pretence of starting a family. Others look to marriage as a way to step up the social, economical or political ladder, or for the security in knowing of a future inheritance.

Remember it is better to be single and lonely, than to be married, wishing you were single! One woman who married poorly said, "I never really knew what it was to be alone, until I got married."

Fact: Christian marriage is a lifetime commitment through all of life’s ups and downs.

Do you understand what the responsibilities of a husband and wife are? Study 1 Corinthians 7:1-11, Ephesians 5:22-33, 1 Peter 3:1-7, Proverbs chapter 31.

If you take care of the things that are dear to God, then He will take care of the things that are dear to you Matthew 6:33, Psalm 37:4, 23, 145:19. Being single is an important time to prepare you for marriage. It can also be a time to experience a closer relationship with Him. Sometimes people do not marry for a variety of reasons and there is nothing wrong in remaining single. God’s will be done.

Think: What do you expect to get from marriage and what are you prepared to give? Are you ready for a lifetime commitment?

A day

2010-11-17T22:59:00.000+08:00

A day and a day.

Very soon I will have my career, then my car, probably a house etc. All these require money.

I can see the danger of being enslaved by money in the course of meeting my empty lifestyle in future

At least, I am grateful today. Just need a helper.

Comforting

2010-11-16T22:47:00.000+08:00

Very soon I will pass this chinese Bible, wait... the chinese word of God is so... simply wonderful.

In this small booklet, the first sentence wrote:

　我们只有一位神，就是父，万物都本于他，我们也归于他。

　自从造天地以来，神的永能和神性是明明可知的，虽是眼不能见，但借着所造之物，就可以晓得，叫人无可推委。

“我是全能的神”…………in English we always sing "Almighty God", or El Shaddai in original Hebrew text.

Wonderful, God knows all the language!

Innocence

2010-11-14T22:52:00.001+08:00

Well, finally things have come to a stop. Research commitment, here and there, usual assignments and exams, and recent world congress of accountant in klcc, first time eating at nando, first time eating McD's icecream etc...

I have lots of reasons to cheer me up. But there are few that truly make me happy, one of which is to visit the churches in Kampar.

Today I met with a friend during breakfast outside, and we talked about the signs of end time. He gave me 2 answers, the gospel preached in a circle, ends in Israel, and Jew believing in Christ.

Well, the meat is really nice! Wait, am I been too comfortable over here?

Yes, things have come to a rest. Finally there is some quality sleeps, I found that I can't stand the pressure physically these days. When the cares of the world dragged my time bit by bit, I can only flee to my strong tower, my God.

I'm really glad that I have come this far. In fact the next few weeks would be quite free for me. I just want to go back to church.

He asked, what is the purpose of life? I answered: to be the expression of God's love to His people. Specifically, to use whatever talent I have to serve the people right where I am. 'I don't know what is my talent.'

Have we come to a point where we feel like wasting time doing all these things? Reading newspaper everyday, catching up with latest movie titles, gossips, and even latest songs. Oh yeah, Taylor Swift- Speak Now album is really nice to listen to! Please get the studio version, it matters alot!

Ok back, so the cares of the world have cleverly lied me in a way that I may find satisfaction in these things. In fact my walk in book of Ezekiel has been stagnant for like a week or two. What comforts me recently was the familiar gospel of John, where Jesus said the very word proceedeth from His mouth are spirit and life!

So is this the purpose of life, where one knows what he is destined to be?

I cannot over emphasize the need to know why we are here. Have you ever questioned yourself why you're here today?

We may act innocent saying we don't know anything, but we know perfectly that one day we will hold accountable to what we did.

I would really want to share with you the concept of 'you reap what you sow'. But there is one greater law, when sin abounds, God's grace abounds even more.

You may not be able to bear all these. I try not to judge.

Even so, let's move on.

Acts 13

2010-11-05T19:49:00.002+08:00

Writer's opinion: Acts 13 is an evidence of the linkage between old testaments (before Christ) and new testaments (after Christ), to whom the people have believed in Abraham since Genesis, endure all the way to Canaan promised land, King David's throne, King Solomon's glory, prophets, and finally Jesus. Paul the redeemed, who was previously the persecutor of Christian has been chosen for this good news to the Gentiles (non-Jew).

Well, the scripture that endures for ages. Let's see what they write.

Acts 13

Among the prophets and teachers of the church at Antioch of Syria were Barnabas, Simeon (called “the black man”), Lucius (from Cyrene), Manaen (the childhood companion of King Herod Antipas), and Saul. One day as these men were worshiping the Lord and fasting, the Holy Spirit said, “Dedicate Barnabas and Saul for the special work to which I have called them.” So after more fasting and prayer, the men laid their hands on them and sent them on their way.

So Barnabas and Saul were sent out by the Holy Spirit. They went down to the seaport of Seleucia and then sailed for the island of Cyprus. There, in the town of Salamis, they went to the Jewish synagogues and preached the word of God. John Mark went with them as their assistant.

Afterward they traveled from town to town across the entire island until finally they reached Paphos, where they met a Jewish sorcerer, a false prophet named Bar-Jesus. He had attached himself to the governor, Sergius Paulus, who was an intelligent man. The governor invited Barnabas and Saul to visit him, for he wanted to hear the word of God. But Elymas, the sorcerer (as his name means in Greek), interfered and urged the governor to pay no attention to what Barnabas and Saul said. He was trying to keep the governor from believing. Saul, also known as Paul, was filled with the Holy Spirit, and he looked the sorcerer in the eye. Then he said, “You son of the devil, full of every sort of deceit and fraud, and enemy of all that is good! Will you never stop perverting the true ways of the Lord? Watch now, for the Lord has laid his hand of punishment upon you, and you will be struck blind. You will not see the sunlight for some time.” Instantly mist and darkness came over the man’s eyes, and he began groping around begging for someone to take his hand and lead him.

When the governor saw what had happened, he became a believer, for he was astonished at the teaching about the Lord.

Paul and his companions then left Paphos by ship for Pamphylia, landing at the port town of Perga. There John Mark left them and returned to Jerusalem. But Paul and Barnabas traveled inland to Antioch of Pisidia.

On the Sabbath they went to the synagogue for the services. After the usual readings from the books of Moses and the prophets, those in charge of the service sent them this message: “Brothers, if you have any word of encouragement for the people, come and give it.”

So Paul stood, lifted his hand to quiet them, and started speaking. “Men of Israel,” he said, “and you God-fearing Gentiles, listen to me.

“The God of this nation of Israel chose our ancestors and made them multiply and grow strong during their stay in Egypt. Then with a powerful arm he led them out of their slavery. He put up with them through forty years of wandering in the wilderness. Then he destroyed seven nations in Canaan and gave their land to Israel as an inheritance. All this took about 450 years.

“After that, God gave them judges to rule until the time of Samuel the prophet. Then the people begged for a king, and God gave them Saul son of Kish, a man of the tribe of Benjamin, who reigned for forty years. But God removed Saul and replaced him with David, a man about whom God said, ‘I have found David son of Jesse, a man after my own heart. He will do everything I want him to do.’

“And it is one of King David’s descendants, Jesus, who is God’s promised Savior of Israel! Before he came, John the Baptist preached that all the people of Israel needed to repent of their sins and turn to God and be baptized. As John was finishing his ministry he asked, ‘Do you think I am the Messiah? No, I am not! But he is coming soon—and I’m not even worthy to be his slave and untie the sandals on his feet.’

“Brothers—you sons of Abraham, and also you God-fearing Gentiles—this message of salvation has been sent to us! The people in Jerusalem and their leaders did not recognize Jesus as the one the prophets had spoken about. Instead, they condemned him, and in doing this they fulfilled the prophets’ words that are read every Sabbath. They found no legal reason to execute him, but they asked Pilate to have him killed anyway.

“When they had done all that the prophecies said about him, they took him down from the cross and placed him in a tomb. But God raised him from the dead! And over a period of many days he appeared to those who had gone with him from Galilee to Jerusalem. They are now his witnesses to the people of Israel.

“And now we are here to bring you this Good News. The promise was made to our ancestors, and God has now fulfilled it for us, their descendants, by raising Jesus. This is what the second psalm says about Jesus:

‘You are my Son.
Today I have become your Father.’

For God had promised to raise him from the dead, not leaving him to rot in the grave. He said, ‘I will give you the sacred blessings I promised to David.’

Another psalm explains it more fully: ‘You will not allow your Holy One to rot in the grave.’ This is not a reference to David, for after David had done the will of God in his own generation, he died and was buried with his ancestors, and his body decayed. No, it was a reference to someone else—someone whom God raised and whose body did not decay.

“Brothers, listen! We are here to proclaim that through this man Jesus there is forgiveness for your sins. Everyone who believes in him is declared right with God—something the law of Moses could never do. Be careful! Don’t let the prophets’ words apply to you. For they said,

‘Look, you mockers,
      be amazed and die!
   For I am doing something in your own day,
      something you wouldn’t believe
      even if someone told you about it.’”

As Paul and Barnabas left the synagogue that day, the people begged them to speak about these things again the next week. Many Jews and devout converts to Judaism followed Paul and Barnabas, and the two men urged them to continue to rely on the grace of God.

The following week almost the entire city turned out to hear them preach the word of the Lord. But when some of the Jews saw the crowds, they were jealous; so they slandered Paul and argued against whatever he said.

Then Paul and Barnabas spoke out boldly and declared, “It was necessary that we first preach the word of God to you Jews. But since you have rejected it and judged yourselves unworthy of eternal life, we will offer it to the Gentiles. For the Lord gave us this command when he said,

‘I have made you a light to the Gentiles,
to bring salvation to the farthest corners of the earth.’”

When the Gentiles heard this, they were very glad and thanked the Lord for his message; and all who were chosen for eternal life became believers. So the Lord’s message spread throughout that region.

Then the Jews stirred up the influential religious women and the leaders of the city, and they incited a mob against Paul and Barnabas and ran them out of town. So they shook the dust from their feet as a sign of rejection and went to the town of Iconium. And the believerswere filled with joy and with the Holy Spirit.

Gratefully

2010-11-03T21:01:00.004+08:00

When was the last time you appreciate every breath you're having?

No? Too abstract? Then let's take a deep breath, hold for 5 secs, and release.

Recently encountered a lyric of a song, 'to live my life unselfishly, breathe my breath so gratefully I know'.

Songs work wonder, I have to admit that. It melts even the hardest heart. When the melody and words work together, it penetrates the stony heart of men. I were once so stone-heart, but now it's different. The feeling is like you can sense the cry and depression of the people around you. You begin to be sensitive to others' feeling. Then, being a rational person, you act accordingly to meet their need.

So, I had the research presentation rehearsal with my group mates this afternoon. It was awesome, seeing that so much effort put on a project can be presented and finalized. Also, seeing them grow year by year is such a satisfaction deep in my heart. Well at least they improved themselves along the years through experience, and as well as I am, though I find a need to video recording the way I present and speak in front of a group of people.

So that's all about current commitment, 2 subjects, research, car learning. Tomorrow morning I'll be departing to Ipoh (again) for the law exam. There are many first times, it is the first time I finished that 500 questions, so I should be able to go through it confidently. By God's grace, really I have to say that, I never imagine one day I can carry a vehicle on a road! And I joked around that I will fetch them once I got the licence. haha. Well, there is a little wish to be completed pertaining to this. All I can do right now is to complete the course in time, hopefully before the trimester ends.Okay, that's the update. Take care and God bless!

oh wait, and the tutorship thing. It's in preliminary stage so not much to disclose until I receive a confirmation. =)

Deep down

2010-10-27T23:23:00.000+08:00

'Well, getting thinner,' I feel sorry for myself while facing mirrors.

It's very dramatic that we've walked this far, I don't know if any movie could be such dramatic as what I've experienced.

But when you're being defensive, I started to get worried, worrying if I could see you anytime anywhere during a day. It just magically cheers up my day seeing you. Just a smile, it is just too difficult to express how precious it is. But we have no reason to meet up, I have no valid reason to get near to you, and I've remained passive.

Today I have to come to conclusion that I am a real coward. Maybe it's because of the hurt in the past that shapes who I am today. The insecurity in my heart, and the fear that you are not replying if I took the initiative, these barriers are so hard to remove! But I want to go through it one more time.

I don't even know what my heart is telling me to do. Go or not, but I withhold it again and again. I always think that you're not ready. But seemingly it's the other case, I'm the one not ready! And you've given me numerous chances, and sometimes during the most unexpected time, your appearance simply shocked me. What kind of feeling is this?

I would have suppress this feeling, hoping that it will fade away. But no, it has endured even though I pay no attention to it. Is it because of that sentence, that our relationship would be like this? I've tried to guess your mind but I think I failed miserably.

But for your sake, I always waited if something happen, a spark, or anything that could get us together. But such a will is so selfish, and I find it very hard to pray about it. In the end I didn't pray for that to happen. Is my conscience suggesting that I am not confident? But at the same time, there is a word deep down in my heart. If you trust me, would you come with me?

Crossroad time

2010-10-23T21:39:00.003+08:00

"As the rain falls from heaven, feeds the earth before it returns."

Having started my last trimester in UTAR, there are things to let go, things to hold on, things to continue, things to give up, things to put under consideration like learning car, things to initiate but it's in pending status like applying for job, things to move on and things to wait.

The day is getting hotter in Kampar, I do not know where else I can chill myself except playing pool and going to cyber cafe. A mere week of study and I've already spent more than RM50, it's real quick!

Until recent breakfast, I've got a chance to breath the fresh air, while everyone is sleeping, the car is being slow, the basketball court is occupied, and the greetings and serving at the traditional cafe, isn't this life?

There will be never-ending stories to tell, never ending movies to watch, 1 episode, or 10 episodes. There will be never ending of entertainment to be enjoyed, being it 1 hour, 2 rounds of snookers, 3 times of badmintons, but what really satisfies?

At one point of time I determine that being with friends would be the highlight in your life, where you share the same social experience with them, telling jokes, laughing together, and having activities and events together. But after a farewell, a goodbye, all is left is just computer and an empty room. Don't I feel a void in my heart?

While I continuously refrain myself from sharing the best gift of my life to them, whether I'm not convinced that it's not the time, or I am too busy to forget what I am doing right now. All things look good, seem good, feel good, does it mean that we should go ahead with it?

What can I do? What really matters? It's the time for a crossroad, and major decisions must be made. After all, pursuing A's in Research and SFM to secure my first class honors for bachelor degree, or happy-go-lucky as long as I am happy? I will continue to embrace justice, righteousness, if God allows, holiness, blameless. If I claim that I know the Word of God, I should know it well, and act upon it.

Maybe it's just too hard, maybe that's not for me, maybe the time has not yet come, maybe I have some personal thing to settle, but time is really running out. I've spent too much time on thinking and not act upon it. Just as every opportunity is precious, let's hope not I will miss it.

For the next 2 months, I need the empowerment from God as He always do. I can do all things on my own, but I'm fooling myself if I say all things I have, the talent I have, and the situation I've been put in are my effort and not of God's.

No, I would rather say He is alive.

LifeGame

2010-10-17T23:44:00.001+08:00

Hi all, let’s do this formally. This is what I’m going to share about my experience and testimony for LifeGame organized at CheeFoo in Cameron lately.

The programme enables me to fast-forward my life, in fact, I only got a rough 3 days to fastforward everything. A minute flies like a month or year, and I’ve learnt life lessons, valuable so to say, yet impactful for the rest of my life.

Before the passion is gone because of the cares of the world (in fact we had snookers and dinner), I want to be affirmed, just as what I’ve received for the past twenty or thirty some hours ago, that these period during the LifeGame camp is just too touching.

Touching, and tears, I can’t harden my heart. More than a valuable lesson, what I get is the fullness of expression of love, comfort, fulfillment, and even a sense of completion, for what I’ve received from God. The Holy Spirit miraculously at work within these time, and I actually ended up finish another camp. Is this another ‘camp’?

For LifeGame, I actually didn’t turn a chance to live out a life I desire to be due to some unforeseen circumstances. But one thing to be sure is that I am too busy with the cares of the world. And just as how I’m going to work my way out for the whole week starting tomorrow due to research and study commitment, I have foreseen that my busyness will get the most out of me, and what is left is a huge void in my heart, helpless and depressed.

Another attempt to demonstrate the greatness of our God by faith, which places myself into a near death situation. The giant seems greater and greater every time I encounter it. I have no more dice to roll except faith alone. I am glad that everything has been brought to completion, though my faith has somewhat wavered because of the role I played.

‘Are you a Christian?’ I answered yes. ‘Do you love your God?’ ‘easy question, I answer yes. ‘Do you love the lost?’ Paused for a few second, I continue with a yes. ‘Are you strong in the Word of God?’ Taking a longer pause than the previous question, my heart is troubled. And I answered yes.

These series of questions has bombarded my mind after the camp. Seeing God has accomplished another great work through his people, I see myself a nothing, but I’ve become something useful for His purpose. It requires more than just a decision to say yes, the commitment follows, the faith to sustain, and it produces fruit, thirtyfold, sixtyfold.

More than just learning lessons, I am challenged in ways of God’s work for the field, and my life purpose for His glory. There are many what-if issues raised like what if I just give up everything I have and follow Him, trusting Him to provide my needs, while accomplishing much greater things. What if I continue to fulfill the plan He has revealed me, be a diligent worker, be the light to His loved ones, pursuing great commission? When the songs are played, I diverted my attention. There is just too much tear to come if I took all of it. The dramas, videos, sharings, they are all touching and made beautiful and truthful in God! I mean, who can resist such a touching situation for a long time? But instead of broke down in tears, I sense peace. And I know what kind of peace it is, and I recognize the provider of this peace.

Marriage. How great and how blessed if a couple glorifies God in marriage. There are less men in full time ministry, what is it going to tell me?

Another thing. I want to thank you for affirm my faith in God, encourage me to persevere and to be used by God, so that I am not alone in this journey. Thank you friends, you may not be able to recall which sentences you said to me, but it had refreshed me to continue to hold on to God. I don’t know the power of encouragement can be so strong, and the timing is just too perfect to be imagined.

And because of this affirmation, I received many answers from the prayers I made last time.

It would take too long to summarise everything. We’ll talk more when we meet.

Face

2010-10-14T00:49:00.000+08:00

First midnight in Kampar for the last trimester. What can I say?

Having sharing with him, there are so much more we have to face each day with each kind of obstacle, problem, issue.

Have we forgotten we have a God who always loves us and always protect, always persevere, always provide us in our times of need?

A quiet night in Kampar, maybe tomorrow will be better. Maybe thing will work out just fine. Or maybe, I should just go sleep right now.

I still can't accept the fact that I've already 21 years old. Too many responsibilities to bear. I can no longer act like a boy, instead a man with integrity. Too much distractions blurring the way I am going, can we just pause for a while?

Dilemma or not I can't help, the truth is that I have to face it.

Face, how much does it worth? Must I face such a price in order to get you. But no, I cannot be selfish. I can just go and take you along, asking you to stay, and journeying with me on earth. I can just go for another round of outing, enjoy each other's companionship, having laughter all day long and chatting thru sms, msn, facebook.

But no, I am too selfish to hide you in the truth. It is very sad to see that I can't give my best gift to the one I loved. It's an utter disgrace to you if I act without thinking for consequence. Until God reveals His glorious plan and give you His undeserved salvation, I can't help but to stand aside, perhaps by means of prayer to ask God to reveal it to you. But no, the Spirit in my heart tells the otherwise. It is very strange in some occasions that I can't pray because the Spirit isn't revealing anything to me.

It may explain that the Spirit refuses to pray against the will of the Father. It's so hard to grasp the way my God acts sometimes. Can I just sit back, be still, and know that He alone is God, who will work in me, and bring me into completion?

And today, after a few hour chat about such topic, I just realise how beautiful you are in the Lord. Have I missed to see the great things our God is doing? For He put to shame the things perceived to be great by the world, and He blesses the things despised by the world, lifting them up to receive the glory of Christ.

Please wait. When I'm ready I'll go and get you. I would have told you plainly if I'm not going after you. But being a 21-year-old man, let me do this right. May God in His richest mercy and grace, grant me the wisdom and power to do all these things right in His sight.

Though all things are mine, and mine are Christ's, and Christ, God's.

I receive

2010-10-08T09:09:00.008+08:00

I know I am accepted!

What a wonderful promise, that I receive God's love! Today a person asked me a series of mind-blowing questions.

Do you want to earn a living whereby you can get a car and a house by 30? Do you want to enjoy holiday to places wherever you go, London, Italy, you name it, when you enjoy a career with time flexibility? Do you want to support your family financially, sending your parent for overseas trip maybe at least twice a year, as a way to say thank you for nurturing you for the past 21 years?

But....but... being a lecturer can't afford that oh. I can't even afford a Myvi, after a few round of consultation and advices given by my family.

Must I go engage myself in the corporate world, having a mindset of loving money as a motivation to get the best out of my 20's? I'm still young, yes. I have the potential, yes. But willingness comes to a test.

I come from a background where God specially found me in His perfect time, that today I should be clear with who I am, and what I want to be.

Let's cut it short, I realise I have the gifting of teaching. It was soon discovered after a series of words of gratefulness by my friends after I taught them something, applauds and suggestions from my lecturers and tutors, and affirmation from here and there... these had built up confidence, more than that, a 'yes' answer, to what I should become, work, and serve, as a part of the workforce contributing to the society.

Hehe, working should be harder than expected. Nvm la, work first baru tau, as for now, I think all people are still holidaying, me too lor =D

29 sept 2010

2010-09-30T23:00:00.003+08:00

就在对的时间，对的人，就值得我为你奋不顾身。

要十二点了哦，桌上还有两粒哥哥做的包。我的功课还是今天才从行李箱拿出来呢。边吃包边想，是不是又在想着你了呢？还是最近情歌听多了，就像她说的一样，‘sentimental'!

也不知道要写什么，但是总有一股很强的欲望去拿起笔和纸。没白纸，就用了exam slip背后来写吧！哈哈，够环保了吧？

回想走过将近四年的今天，家里最小最疼的Alex终于长大了喔！在这路途上可以用一出戏来形容。有高有低，高兴与失落，期望与失望。不过，认识的朋友却多了，许多我不记得名字的朋友都向我说声‘Alex’，让我尴尬不已。是不是脑袋装太多东西了，连朋友的名字都记不起了？

这封信要写给很多人，很多在我生命里添加色彩的朋友。第一就是她，在我最失落，家人隔离两地的情况下，给了我希望。如果没有她，我可能就不会有今天了。这一生最美的祝福，不愧是能认识与信靠一位竟看不到，又摸不着的一位上帝。凭单单的信心去接受这份爱，就维持了今天的我。当天破碎的心也被一片片的拼回去了。今天，靠着神的力量，能将这份爱分享给全世界，分享给我身边，亲爱的朋友，那是我的荣幸！

还有她，当我说我不想去伤害第二颗心，她却说那不是第二颗。当时听了真的有许多感动。这段日子都不断谴责自己当初为什么那么自私，好好的未来不要，却一声飞去西马读书了。快四年了，很开心在最近能和你继续保持联系。只是现在缺了亲切的问候，我明白。大家见面的次数一年比一年更少了。不过以心来从新认识你，才看到你的美。以后有机会的话记得要载我出去兜风哦！哈哈！

说到载人，今天在街上走了走就留步在考车学院门口。不知道为什么，我偷笑了，可是在这里学车要花一千元啊！现在才知道原来一直坐顺风车的我是多么的幸福！不过人总要长大，很快的我就非常需要执照来配合将来当讲师的事业了。哦对，和家人商量了，我可以在金宝学车。不知道考试考惯了我，上考车又会是怎么样的滋味呢？哈哈！

还有我的research, 到现在都还没动的。组员们现在应该也是在尽情的享受假期吧？wait september ends first ^^

如果超人会飞～最近听起旧歌来了。在哥哥电脑里有“期待你的爱”，还记得那时是我大学第一年时出的，就有人把它当作手机铃声了。他，就是我的好朋友。我最看重的一个。还记得那时的我们坐在离学校不远的茶室，他介绍林俊杰的歌给我听。不过当时只对周杰伦感兴趣的我非常抗拒他的歌。日子久了，当他还是我心目中最要好的朋友，我们都不需要沟通。或许过惯城市生活的他现在有了一群死党，就在这时。一首一首他的歌就开始袭击我的音乐生活里。好听就是好听，不然怎么会介绍给你呢？哈哈！

还有她，不过要十二点了，就长话短说吧！我不知道该当她是我喜欢的对象，还是那种哥哥照顾妹妹的感情呢？开玩笑！在家里过惯了少爷的我现在要体贴一位小的？哈哈!还记得有人当我是家中的老大，更有组员们的幽默，声声说道老板，真的是逗我笑咯！

我二哥也是面包店的老板哦！叫他老板吧！12.03am 了，睡了^^"

2010-09-27T00:02:00.001+08:00

What a wondeful day. I want snooker! Kampua! Sleep! Game!

Apart from that, the world is a void without love. Having much catching up here and there, tomorrow I am going home.

Finally, another semester has ended. Another chance to go home. Though I'm not that missing my bed, but I am excited to see my dad's face again, my brothers, sister, aunts, and friends.

Behold, all things have been made new. I feel so grateful for today, for until today my God never let me go.

That night singing do not forget me, if I were to sing this to God, it would be much more sweeter. With an honest heart Jesus has come, and with this confidence I receive His love. Unfailing, I experienced it until today.

Things are made beautiful only in God's sight. So beautiful, when I look at things from His eyes, His righteousness, holy splendor, love, joy, peace. If there is one God above, He will hear our prayers, and He saw every tear. This is how my life has been sustained during my days in Kampar.

I did not receive a specific calling about the teaching profession I'm about to engage in right after graduation. I can only proceed patiently and confidently, believing that what He has prepared for me is good, pleasing, and perfect in His will.

For these last 3 months in Kampar, I will try to be perfect in every way. If God allows me. Bible says I don't need a vow to express my confidence in Him. I can't please everybody. I choose to please those God has revealed me.

With love alone, bunga, 12am sleep.....

You will get well

2010-09-18T20:49:00.002+08:00

'If he is asleep Lord, he will get well.'

Hmm, a near week of discomfort should draw an end. Tomorrow will be a better day for my God make it anew!

It's a long time I didn't attend church on a Sunday. We'll do it tomorrow =)

In the mean time, take care and God bless!

Research Note#1

2010-09-16T23:29:00.002+08:00

DISCLAIMER TO READER: this is preliminary material and is meant for internal private purpose.

direction:

communication apprehension among accounting students in Malaysia: a temperament perspective

1) be sure that accounting students' CA is significantly higher than non-accounting student in Malaysia context

2) to affirm the previous research supporting communibiological paradigm that temperament is the better predictor of CA.

discussion:

talk about the seriousness of accounting students who suffered high CA because of genetic background.

the demand of next generation accountants require the graduates to possess a reasonable level of communication ability. Higher CA poses a serious threat that hampers their communication skills.

Temperament based CA suggested that CA is more to nature than nurture. Hence it may be hard to improve the CA score of students by means of 'learning' such as seminars, speech class.

========================================
5:20 Post 20/08/2010
addons:
report of sources of questionnaires.

Eysenck argues that these three personalities are inherited (Keaten, Kelly 2000) lending it useful to the communibiological paradigm.

========================================
2:50 Post 06/09/2010
Derived from article: treating communication anxiety page 4/14.

In essence, Eysenck and Eysenck (1985) have identified three personality types or "superfactors" (p. 195) [defined as "a group of correlated traits" (p. 12)]: extraversion (E) (as opposed to introversion), neuroticism (N) (as opposed to stability), and psychoticism (P) (as opposed to impulse control).

Traits, which are "correlated behavioral acts or action tendencies" (Eysenck & Eysenck, 1985, p. 14) define the three types.
The traits that form extraversion are sociable, lively, active, assertive, sensation-seeking, carefree, dominant, surgent, and venturesome (p. 15).
The traits of neuroticism are anxious, depressed, guilt feelings, low self-esteem, tense, irrational, shy, moody, emotional (p.15),
and psychoticism consists of the traits of aggressive, cold, egocentric, impersonal, impulsive, antisocial, unempathic, creative, and tough-minded (p.14).

Primary components of communication, according to Beatty et al. (1998), are introversion and neuroticism, which put H. J. Eysenck's personality theory as relevant here.

The distorted perceptions, avoidance tendencies, behavioral disruption, and unpleasant affect associated with high trait communication apprehension represent manifestations of neurotic introversion. (Beatty et al., 1998, p. 201).

BIS, or behavioral inhibition system under Gray's theory, explain that we would expect high apprehensive communicators to exhibit verbal inhibition in the presence of strangers, when negative feedback is expected, or when talking might result in loss of reward" (Beatty et al. 1998, p. 211)

Drawing on Gray's theory, Beatty et al. (1998) argue that high CAs have inherited a low threshold for BIS activation or, in other words, an overactive BIS (Beatty et al., 1998, p. 206), which, when triggered by novel or punishing stimuli or the threat of cessasion of reward, produces anxiety, avoidance, and behavioral inhibition.

Inditivuals with high levels of trait communication apprehension have a neurotic, introverted personality or temperament, according to Beatty and colleagues, which evidence strongly suggests they have inherited (Eysenck & Eysenck, 1985).

It is however, that some might argue that a biologically-based account such as communibiology precludes treatment since temperament and its underlying neurobiological structures are genetically determined. We view the above as a radical oversimplification of the issue.

These authors claim that environment plays a role, albeit a limited one, in trait development and that "It may be that the moderate effects achieved by treating represent the parameters within which environment can influence communication apprehension" (p. 213).

page 5,6/14 talks about the ratio of 80/20 whereby 80% is genetically inherited and 20% is by environment.

QUESTION: Our goal in this section is to examine how to provide treatment of communication anxiety if it is indeed largely genetically determined. If one adopts the communibiological perspective on communication anxiety, what kinds of treatment should be administered, and how effective are such treatments likely to be?
do existing major treatment methods have the potential to help?
How can anxious students be helped through special or regular speech courses?

=============================

Bible Journey

2010-09-14T10:54:00.003+08:00

But this is the new covenant I will make with the people of Israel that day," says the LORD. "I will put my laws in their minds, and I will write them on their hearts. I will be their God, and they will be my people. And they will not need to teach their neighbors, nor will they need to teach their family, saying, 'You should know the LORD.' For everyone, from the least to the greatest, will already know me," says the LORD. "And I will forgive their wickedness and will never again remember their sins." Jeremiah 31:33-34

Hmm, just came back from early dinner after my 2nd paper. Just want to thank God for all He has done in my life. Many many tears, many many disappointment, yet my God never let me go.

This is his wonderful love for me. I've tasted it by my own. It's not hard to tell others that God so love the world. Yes O God, you can't be seen, you are invisible, but how can I deny your presence here?

Today you guided me real well. While I'm thinking of points to write, you miraculously support me. Maybe it's my own feeling, but I choose to acknowledge that you are the reason I am sitting exam for.

Having a purpose of life is as beautiful of knowing where you want to go in a huge city. When I'm literally lost in my way, your word is always there for guidance, for comforts, for upliftings, for supports, for light, for power.

I thank You God for sparing my life as far as 21 years old! Even though I only got to know your name few years back, you gladly accept me into your kingdom! Just as you've said, you've been found by the people who are not seeking you. You also said, when we seek you earnestly with our heart, 'I will be found by you'.

The purpose of exam, to me it's more than just scoring A's. In fact that is not the main reason deep down in my heart. I know why I'm sitting this exam for. Apart the reason that it is part of the requirement to graduate as an accounting literate person, you test my knowledge in every exam. No longer I write things to please the examiner, nor I am reproducing what I do not know. I produce what I know.

2 more exams are coming. I can't wait of sitting in plane. I can't wait to continue my research so that my groups and I will have relief as soon as possible! Seeing so many supports from so many party, particularly the invisible God, I am so thankful for who I am today.

Yesterday struggle with food, but today the dinner is just excellent!

sui~

2010-09-06T22:10:00.000+08:00

Bored.... study, study study.

Corporate Governance, debt financing, internal and external governance mechanism, music, ops. Let me try again, accountability and audit, openness as willingness, transparency as manner to which company discloses material information about the company, game, ops....

just too bored...

Status update

2010-08-29T23:44:00.000+08:00

I know your grace, in love I am restored.

So sentimental these days. Thanks for friends bringing me out for snooker! Never thought that I can play hahahaha.

Another quiet night in Kampar. It's always good to have a quiet time in between of hectic schedule. It helps to focus what I have set for myself.

Let's see: Accountant, Lecturer.

Both are service based, requiring a well grasp of knowledge in related field as well as above average communication skill. The trimester has finally coming to, wait, it is coming to an end. I'll have to gear up my speed in catching up the study stuff.

Management Accounting and Decision Making- hmm, typical management accounting papers, but require logical reasoning, partial memorising stuff, and superb handling of mathematics related questions along with precise interpretation of what question wants.

Corporate Governance- something about management paper, but more on how to govern a company especially a PLC. Massive memorising stuff detected, but the subject is familiar to me since I've been exposed to company related subjects in the past.

Corporate Reporting and Current Issue- Massive memorising stuff detected. Fixed stuff, little room in exercising creativity and logical reasoning.

International Finance- Massive memorising stuff detected, deep understanding and frequent practice of finance related questions, particularly bid-ask price dilemma. Apart from that, this subject is interesting but require much effort in return of favorable result.

Last paper on 24th, and my research, aiks.

Let's worry not, we have God who are always ready to help =)

2010-08-26T23:22:00.005+08:00

Create in me a clean heart, O God. Renew a right spirit within me. Do not banish me from your presence, and don't take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me again the joy of your salvation, and make me willing to obey you. Psalm 51:10-12

I remembered how this verse spoke to me last time, when I utterly failed my life. The life I have is torn apart by my own hand. I can't accept myself as a redeemed by God, yet I wasted His love again and again.

Am I not fully repented? Or am I too weak to keep up with what God wants me to do? It sounds like dictating, that there is only one, absolute truth that is real. It is the only way to make peace, a ruler with everything, a savior to the lost, and a king to the peasants.

Today the service without PC and KL is just extraordinary. I guess I figured it out that I have taken them for granted. The symbolic representation of God's love shine within them. O Lord, must I be forgetful all the time? Where is my faithfulness in you?

Seeing my friend fall one by one, or even a near accident, or some conflicts here and there. They seem to seek the answer for the problem, a truth that surpasses all we can comprehend. So what am I doing right now? Is it that seeing them perish would make me happy? Or am I like Jonah, expecting God to punish them because of their sins?

No, my God, He himself is merciful. He cares for everyone He had made. I am glad knowing the truth that He loved me even before the world is created. This is what He says : I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Imagine what kind of possibility can science explain to a humankind which has a complex brain with perfect nerves system governing each part of our body? Our body self-heal when it's injured physically, but the spiritual wound, the heartache, can't be healed.

While we were seeking the things of the world, hoping that they will fulfill the emptiness of our heart, why not look to God. He is with arms open wide, ready to accept us whenever we ask for forgiveness. 1 John 1:9 His love fulfills the emptiness of my heart. And this reason is strong enough to let me hold on to Him, during times of peace and war and need.

Final is drawing near. But have we really started? If not, final is out of question.

Under pressure

2010-08-22T17:21:00.005+08:00

Whoa, what a hot day. Under heat pressure got lah! haha.

Under pressure, to be precise, it's to describe a working environment I will have to undergo after graduation. Hmm, much planning and much forecasting about where and what I will become one day. Accountant, teacher, in either profession I should do my best in delivering my service to the society.

I read from a random magazine that, a competent employee should be able to work under pressure. That would be a potential interview question in today's trend, whereby the interviewee is required to answer many difficult questions along with demonstration of knowledge of the company, and current issues!

Anyhow, I'm now in the gap between a second class upper and 1st class honors. I thank God that He enabled me to walk this far. I could not imagine I'm going to complete my bachelor!

Ya, I think that's it, for study wise. I am tempted to make haste decision when I'm under pressure. And haste decision is usually sub-optimal <---wuise learned this term this semester.

I walked in the cyber, the place where I used to belong. I'm glad that I no longer associate myself with 'hardcore gamer', in fact most modern games surprisingly not attracting me at all. Is my taste changed? Or am I resistant to the change nowadays?

Air-con, last time used to be so cold. Now, it's so comfortable!

Under pressure, fret not! For every obstacles we face is an opportunity for us to be joyful! James 1:2

Ordinary 'Routine'

2010-08-21T23:30:00.002+08:00

Having involved in playing music instruments regularly is something extraordinary compared to the past. Now music becomes part of my lifestyle, and it requires me to listen to a song carefully and I expect myself to grasp the essence of the song eg: drum beat, bridge, chorus, verses, etc.

Let's see what kind of music I'm listening to: gospel, religious, soothing, rock, wow. I say I like quiet and soothing song, it looks like I don't mean what I say, or I don't say what I really mean.

But it is still nice to have some quality time, strumming the guitar string while referring to the chords online. The best part is that you've got the chance to play for yourself the song you like it the most.

Apparently there is much to learn as there are chords which are too hard to be played. I can't even bar a chord correctly, that hinders me from progressing. Drum wise, I'm running out of beats apart from the ones I've already known. Now I understand it requires practice and experience over time to master these instruments.

Vocal wise, heh you know, singing is always nice to oneself. I am glad that I have a chance to sing every week, sing to the Lord. Music is indeed a gift from God. It soothes our emotion, express ourselves in a different way, it can even make us happy.

Well, when music comes, I have little room left for the games. In fact I can't play regularly due to inconsistent internet bandwidth thanks to PPS usage and constant downloads in a shared modem.

I've been thinking for the future. After this semester, things is going to be easier, apart from leading my research group into completion. The career ahead has somewhat posed a threat to me, knowing that immediately after the year of 2010 I'll be in the corporate world.

Hmm, that time I would be working, with a bunch of new colleagues and social circles. Everything is going to be restarted just as how I came to PJ Campus 3 years back.

In a blink of an eye, my university life is approaching the end. Much I've learned, much I am yet to learn. A day and a day passed by, I do not know whether I should be rejoicing or otherwise.

So, ordinary routine. Here I go again? We'll do something special =)

Knowing all

2010-08-20T23:01:00.005+08:00

Proverbs 20:24 NLT Know it all may require more efforts for marginal effect.

A friend of my friend had a good share with me today, about the account of how godly people 'backslide' from their faith after they have their prayers answered by God.

Succession, wealth, something good to talk about, which gratify our own pleasure at the expense of pursuing God's purpose on earth. Yes, there is no wrong in pursuing excellence and wealth, we can still work hard and not be the slave of 'mammon', the money. We are so confidently standing on our ground, thinking that there is no influence in our relationship with God.

Who knows? One day a person has stopped going to church, stopped daily devotion, seek people first for opinions and decisions and leave God as last resort, and still bear the name of a child of God, walking in the busy street during the Christmas celebration.

I can't imagine further. One thing I ask from God is that I must quickly get back on track whenever I feel that I'm far away from Him. I need constant reminder that God loves me and He cares about everything I do, think, and act. The color I delight, the game I play, and the food I like, He knows it all.

In the midst of searching for an answer of why God put me in such a dilemma, especially in terms of relationship, I prayed a selfish prayer. I don't know what am I asking, so I should not be surprised if I were to receive anything beyond my expectation.

My friend, a professed Christian, suddenly enlightened me of how God loves His children by granting the desire of their heart. By faith, I prayed according to His will, which I refer to Word of God. And seriously I felt a little dejected and disappointed when my prayer is not answered.

I have been asking for something. And God is like telling me, 'my son, if I grant you the will, would you still worship me, love me, and serve me with all your heart, all your strength, and all your mind?'

"I can". It would be a haste answer without even thinking.

"The truth is, you will worship me, love me, and serve me. But I'm now preparing you to another stage of life, another level of faith. I'm going to bless you by granting what you've asked of me in faith.... and do not forget the Lord your God."

==================
EDIT: Proverbs 30:6 I must be careful about this.
==================

It is like a bargaining. God seemed to have known that I will not be able to withstand the temptation of the ways of the world. It requires many affirmation from many small occasions to convince me that God is good and He is mighty to do anything. He is not only a God for me but also the God for the nations, in fact, God of gods, and Lord of Lords. He alone is God.

'God will provide.' I need a lot of faith to say that.

I told myself 'God will provide' when I woke up late in the morning, worrying about breakfast and transports to university for a meeting. By holding on the faith. I did it! I know it is God who helped me.

How can I express my gratitude except a 'Thank you God'? Jesus, your love is too great. In fact, knowing you is the best gift I have ever had.

The time, the call

2010-08-19T23:18:00.000+08:00

I believe there is a time for everything, a time to mourn, and a time to be happy.

A time to rise, and a time to fall.

A time to... please refer to http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ecclesiastes+3&version=NIV for a full list of it.

Today's sermon is just perfect. I don't expect to see every preaching style like this but occasional wake-up call to Christians like me is really something I value and appreciate in my walk with Christ.

2 years, 2 years plus, going to be 3 years, yes Jesus has been carrying me all these while. With His great promise and great love, I am well today. But I only found out that I am not ready for His eternal glory if He were to come back right now.

Baptism, a process of Jesus being crucified, buried, and rise up to eternal glory is what I lack of. 'We are not crucified with Christ' even though we proclaim in front of the crowd that we are baptized in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.

Galatians 2:20 should solve the ordinary problem of being a Christian. Seeing Christ as the center of my life has inevitably changed my way of life. I no longer think as to what benefit me the most, but instead others. I am so focused of obeying and not crossing the line of being counted as sin, justifying myself with bible verses (I always believe there is power in the Word of God to set the captives free). Until today I only realised that I am lacking of this commitment; crucified with Christ.

Am I ready to drink the cup of suffering Jesus were to drink?

Or should I rephrase the question. Can I, or am I even aware that I need to drink such a cup and undergo such a baptism as to what God has set for me before the world began?

As an illustration I'm like a person woke up by somebody pouring the water unto my face and say 'wake up, you're mine.'

I like this sentence very much, it sounds like 'Jesus came to claim what is rightfully His.' It sounds nice, and it is indeed true according to the will of God. As long as the earth remains and the prince of this world is not driven out, there will be no peace.

The peace, the very peace Jesus is preaching is the peace in our mind and heart. Peace may be interpreted as simply as a state without affliction, but peace is best illustrated as a gold undergoing the fiery test, embedded the meaning of having a state of calm and security in His confidence and presence while we're in the chaotic situation.

Too bad, there is not going to be peace on earth. It may be fulfilled last time, but it certainly won't happen as the last days are coming. The message seems hard to a student group like me, but I view it as a direct challenge from God, calling His people to stand for Him, be His instruments to claim the lost people, who were too rightfully belong to Christ.

John 10:16 Let us be aware of our purpose, ask God for strength, and be sensitive to the surroundings of where we are right now. The evil one has planted numerous seeds around us, even in the house of God. We need Holy Spirit to discern what is of the priority, and what is really worth to be pursued for His glory.

Today's sermon verses quoted:

Title: 'You do not know what you're asking'

James 4:2-3

Mark 10:38

Isaiah 51:17,22

Luke 12:50

Luke 12:49-53

World: Knowledge is the food for our soul.

Bible: Word of God brings life to our Spirit.

21, a number that sthines

2010-08-10T23:48:00.001+08:00

This chapter: Advancing to another stage of life_the 21.

Stand- chapter 1

I found that, what shines of being a 21 is not the age itself, or the affirmation by the crowd that you're actually adult, can actually go into casino as some always said. To stand as a 21-year-old young man, I would say I made my stand clearly of what I've become and who I am today.

I've determined to make my stand clear as a student, making it real clear that I'm here for a purpose. I made my stand, as it may sound like I'm making a vow, that I will be able to discern between good and bad, and choose to do good. So do I need to strengthen it with a vow? Bible prohibits that. But God knows the secret of every motive.

It could be a mistake. Why must I make a stand between 2 extreme? Can't I just walk on earth with relative truth according to what I perceived right? Why restrict myself with so much rules and regulations that eventually break down my freedom? Well there are things not meant to be blended, yoked, and mixed together.

Can you expect milo and rice to be mixed together, since both are eventually in our stomach after a meal? Or, can we expect a single truth in the mouth of a liar? Of course yes! Yet, half truth is not truth at all. It's a lie.

We may be cleverly lied by the teaching of the world. 'They' constantly remind us, bombard us with every sort of advertisement, entice us, and burn the lust within us so that we come to a point to demand the things we not actually need.

Academics excellency, top career opportunity, unending wealth, beauty and perfection, do we really need it?

'Elegance is an attitude', how about enjoying the companionship of ordinary people? In the midst of chasing after the treasure of our heart, we hope that in the end these things will not disappoint us in terms of lasting satisfaction, achievement, and worthiness.

So, people like King Solomon, having 3000 wives and concubines, being the wisest man in the country, owning enormous wealth, had came to a conclusion that 'everything is like chasing the wind'.

What a cold truth we have.

Make a stand today, friend. Be sure with who you are, paste on the wall of the character you wish to become, artist, teachers, doctors, engineers. It could be more than that, we could talk more in future. As for now, I am so looking forward to LifeGame Camp 2 months later =)

freedom- chapter 2

21, signifies a declaration of freedom as the world may pronounce. Some freed themselves from the bondage of families, having their own freedom to choose where to work, what kind of car to buy, which girlfriend to take, haha, well.

Freedom could be more than that. Hope that next time when we're in the workplace, we will submit to the authority to our bosses, having freedom isn't meant that we are free to not to obey boss' command. =D

As for now, rainy day makes me happy =)

Fear and overcome

2010-08-08T13:31:00.008+08:00

Wow, it is the first time I find hard to write such a topic. I will write it according to my experience, as truthful as I can.

I slipped before I attempt this. I must quickly get back on track.

There are many kind of fears we encounter during our journey of life on earth. Based on my limited 21 years experience as a human, I find some who fear of height, fear of being alone, fear of rejecting by friends, fear of all kinds of insects, fear of blogging (just a joke), fear of being poor etc.

I feel insecure seeing my wallet having less than 10 bucks after a decent dinner. I feel depressed when I'm alone at home for few hours, having nobody to interact to, either through any mean, sms, msn, fb, emails, personal contact etc. I feel pressured to raise a question in big size conference, especially when the attendants are mostly consisted of the professionals.

What else? I feel uncomfortable (and insecure again) if I left out my favorite jacket while going to air-conditioned places such as the church or restaurant or shopping. I sometimes fear of eating alone outside because sometimes my stomach is really not listening to me and start nagging me to go home.

There are many more fears I have in my life, the fear of scoring below average mark in class, the fear of being scolded by colleagues for any reasons, the fear of eating 'alien' food, it means the food i never encounter, or the food that has once caused problem to me, eg; prawns and seafood, and fear of fainting if I happen to skip a main meal while outing etc.

I can't go on with my life by living in my comfort zone, trying my best to avoid any chance of encountering such fear again. There is a song lyric sounds like

'tear down the walls, see the world, there is so much more than this'.

While these walls, according to what it originally sang, refer to the barrier we have between God and us (refer to video), I found it particular interesting to substitute these walls as the strongholds I have to overcome if I want to live a victorious life.

It is not so soon after I typed this that I realise I actually overcome some of the fears I used to have.

The fear of talking to opposite sex, the fear of not finishing my portion while eating, the fear of outing with friends, the fear of eating alone outside. It is good to see that I can joke around with my friends and they are actually laughing! Also, I spent some quality time being alone outside for a dinner, while connecting to the virtual world using the Ipod Touch, breathing the air other than the one in my room (hahahah it actually smells different!). This is life.

Being the one to overcome problem may sound nice to brag about, yet I know well who has helped me in my times of need. I guess I can see my progress growing as a Christian in church, involved myself in ministry especially the worship and serving. But i don't see the similar effect, how to say, the same magnitude I have in my life outside the church.

If I can be so well, I must make a stand to be the lighthouse of my friends. With today's achievement I can be said to be a bold person in speech, presentation, having little problem in conveying and expressing my opinions in English, but one thing i lack of, which is the physical competence as to complement my competency in speech and in intelligence.

I don't know if I have the fear of being fat, but I would certainly say that I want to make sure I grow healthily, seeing the fat and muscle grow little and little as the time goes.

But, it's already 21 years. Need more weight lol... more chicken chops and lamp chops hahaha

Acts of the apostles

2010-08-07T13:23:00.001+08:00

Next chapter:

Acts of the apostles journey.

I reread it, only reached chapter 3. It is a long time I didn't reread the Bible, particularly the book of Acts. I focused on the gospels as well as romans onwards. Now the reread section gives me instant flashback to what I grasped last time.

So I grasped little. It looks so new to me when I read the Acts.

Had a sweet birthday gathering, sweet because we are all together, the quality time, and particularly that lamb chop hahaha. Sedap lor... the cake is just too full to swallow.

Another quiet night, my assignment progress is stuck. I have nothing to do except a game of dota. Rusty, I'm away for it for quite a time. It would be better for me to stop playing it for a while, and I found that I suddenly have many free time!

Too bad time can't rewind. What is done is done. I can only look forward. A concert, Ipoh trip, what else? Maybe some decent chatting and a little progress in my research would help!

John 12:36

Story behind a song

2010-08-04T22:20:00.002+08:00

Next chapter: Numb by 'Linkin Park'

video is attached.

Giving our lives~ to what we know and believe in You~

now is the time~ to show the world you're the way and the truth~~

Church will rise to be, hands to reach the lost and meet the unmet needs, we will be the revolution~

Take a stand today, put our hands to what we know O God we pray~ we will be the revolution~

Such a troubled day, with such energetic body, and repenting heart, and calm spirit, how could I explain these, incompatible mixed of feelings.

I was joyful because of something and sad because of other things else.

But let God be the source of my strength, and my joy. Let His Word grounded in me, just as the pastor said, let this seed of hope planted in your heart.

You know, what makes me happy? Seriously, going to church makes me happy.

Going to church, I can sing together with the faithful ones to God, I can listen to wise counsel which is directed by God's Word, I am able to play my part as the church to reach the lost and meet the unmet need.

A drummer, a servant, a child, in God's eyes we're all precious.

Since God loves me, it shouldn't bother me anymore about any issues.

For who is greater than my God? Who is wiser than His counsel? Who is able to hold my future?

Let God be the answer.

About the story behind this song, well i'll just share a short one.

I lost my way, I lost my mom, my life is in hopelessness and selfishness. I live for myself and I desire glory and success in me. I sang this song it is meaningful to me so I practice it.

Now it's just a song, the main motivation comes from God the Father, who tell me my sin is forgiven, who tell me He is there when I'm tired, who is available to listen to my pleading when I was hurt and down, who is able to comfort me as my tears dropped bit by bit unto the floor.

Who is He? He removed all my unhealthy habit, embrace me with His love, give me confidence to live a better tomorrow.

And now, He is using me to impact life. I am the life message people are reading. I am the bible the non-believer is reading. Am I qualify to be that Bible? Until I surrender my everything to what God says, and put it into action with what God has passed on to me...

otherwise I'm just another typical self-enrichment book in the bookstore, who always tell you

you can do it! Keep up the good work!

yes you can! success is in your hand! be confident!

positive thinking, and think out of the box!

don't be sad, the other side of darkness is always light isn't it?

these sentences look comforting, but they lack of the every essence of God.

People say time heals, time mends the broken heart.

Who will know, it is God who mend their broken heart?

Test of Obedience

2010-08-03T00:27:00.002+08:00

I know it is unhealthy to stay up late at this hour. I don't think I can sleep without expressing myself here. Yes I always express myself through various media, but this round is a hard one. I am undergoing a test of obedience, it's just like a direct commandment from my God that I shouldn't do this or that.

To demonstrate my faithfulness, I have no choice but to submit to His will. I will try to refrain myself from using biblical words in context of conversations and preaching gospel to the unsaved. In fact I will stop doing it, I will do it in an intelligent way. I ask God for guidance.

Relationship wise, it is a challenge. But for your glory God, for my goodness, for which you will use me as vessel to express God's love to the people of God, I will obey.

Just like how it sang. I believe every word you say.

Another day is coming. Embrace me, to face your people, with love, with humility, with spirit of gentle heart, with Christlikeness, instead of coming to them with rod, with malicious words, with thorns.

Let this fire burn, let this passion burn, if it pleases you, God.

Solid Gold

2010-08-01T19:03:00.003+08:00

Next chapter, as solid as gold,yet as soft as vapor of the wind.

I was wanting to express it as part of my basketball experience. Perhaps the best part of such experience, in my occasion, is not the final 3-pointer shoot out, or some nice pass of defenders to get a perfect shot. To me, it's defense.

It's beautiful to describe a set of defense, let's say a 4v4, where everybody is marking one another, and I have one, too.

As solid as gold, is to describe the solid play of the acquaintance I met during the match. Well we don't know each other, and we don't have time to socialize with each other like 'I'm Alex, nice to meet you etc'. Usually the player is selected based on counted shoot-out so that's how I get into the team.

Their standard is a lot better than the past, the past I used to play. Now everybody seem to have own tricks and advantage to cover up their weakness. They play in an almost flawless manner, so I am always the loophole the team is searching, heh.

Even so, the experience is fantastic where the opponent is advancing and you're blocking them with right arms vertically touches his side and sidearm, and with left hand lifted high for the block. If you jump a little the time they are dashing towards your position, it would be a literal backward flying!

Well, at least I didn't lose the position. It seemed not hurtful. Maybe that makes it fun! In order to have backward fly you must have a reasonably low weight for opponent to dash on your way. hahhahaha.

So, as soft as vapor of wind. This is to describe the dynamic of a person's personality. Some says the mood changes like weather, but aren't now cloudy and nice? Thing can be so soft that, with a little force you are able to change its form. It may look like you're under control of the vapor, or you're under control of your so-called weather mood, it may not affect much on your personality and value as a person.

Solid gold, may be admired by the fragile stone. They shine, and they passed through the test of fiery and faith. Meanwhile, fragile stone is broken when someone smashed it on the ground. Solid gold is however, engraved in large stones so that human need some kind of tool to extract such solid gold.

Or let me illustrate this, a pre-refined solid gold is not shining, and look unattractive at all.

Must you only appreciate when you see that's shining? Must you only attracted to that stone when you know there is something valuable in that large stone?

Every heard of solid rock? God is.

In the mean time

2010-07-31T15:19:00.001+08:00

Everybody seem to rush assignment. Someone has just promoted like a hot cake in the bar, where everybody is after such a person for assignment.

This is no longer me. I enjoy being an ordinary person, having so-so mark with not so-so performance I've told myself there will never be a fair grading system for a person like me. While enduring and living in such a disadvantage I've experienced another kind of joy, the joy of an ordinary person.

God said, He is quick to listen, slow to get angry, and slow to speak. And I'm quick to speak. Just these few days I've offended my lecturer indirectly. Am I that straight? Am I not contributing to the class by giving feedback? Then why did I deserve all these blame and flagging me as a wrongdoer?

Fine then, in the mean time i'm on my way in completing assignment. I thank God for a group to assist me in completing it. Basically I've lost hope of building a team instead of group. The constraint, the incapability and incompetency of a leader, are the reasons of such a failure.

I always want to be a leader, but I stepped off in most of the situations. How wish I am to stand up again for the right course, but I no longer possess such a trait.

Why? It's tiring to fight. It's tiring to defend the justice. Yet it doesn't mean that I give in to temptation and breaching my moral conduct as a student. You may feel that I'm bragging but I've stopped cheating ever since I've enrolled myself as a Bachelor undergraduate program.

I say nothing when 'they' are copying, ended up getting higher score, fine. I say nothing when people leeching the score from the group but contributing little, fine. I say nothing when they can't stop talking in class, big or small. I've a kind of feel that I just can't blend in with them after class is over.

Yet, I'm living in the society. I play my part as a student, a friend, a child, a brother in every social occasion. It really looks like only God would understand my bitterness. Nobody seem to learn all these years, despite all preachings, all teachings, and all awareness, all rebukes came across their lives.

Repent, and sin again. Repent, and indulge in gossip again. Repent, and being selfish. Yet I've walked my life in such a pattern. I don't agree with the fact that human is weak so they possess the licence to sin. Based on my understanding on Bible, we are the vessel through which God himself manifest in us, so that the full expression of Him can be shown to the world by the power of God's name, the name given to Jesus Christ.

So, we have exchanged the truth for a lie. A lie that is so sweet to hear that 'eat drink and be merry, for tomorrow we die', or a lie that 'work hard to pursue perfection and satisfaction in life'.

In the mean time, I stand amaze, seeing God is at work in this little town of Kampar, raising His people with every goodness that God has installed in them.

Wonderful, isn't it?

My God said

2010-07-30T08:36:00.004+08:00

'I've been there. I've been there.' My God said.

Next story comin' up, recovering from sickness.

God is good, I'm well again. Let's sleep early, let's throw off the troubles and problems today. I'm preparing for a brighter tomorrow. I'm building my faith and foundation in the name of the Lord, in the year of the Lord 2010. Many things are yet to be done, many things my God is yet to show me.

My Father loves me, and so is my family and my friends. I'm well today because of the grace of God. I'll not tired proclaiming His goodness to to the earth. Sing, O you people, won't you break free and dance in His love? His love is like a perfume, a living sacrifice sweet and acceptable, and I too will be the living sacrifice to God my Father, who loved me, and ransomed me with His Son Jesus Christ's blood.

Yes, I'll not be ashamed proclaiming the good news to the earth. How can a man know what life is all about unless he knows what is death? This is exactly what I feel as a wandering person, having no purpose of life walking on earth.

I've searched for wisdom throughout my life, and I am still searching. None, nothing this world could give could ever satisfy my very own soul and my desire to want more. Yes I want more O Lord! It is like bringing glory to Your name for blessing a child with anything you've planned. Yes, I will hear the call when the time is coming. I am faithfully waiting for that day, when Jesus came back and say, 'it's enough, let's go home.'

Yes, very soon I'm going home. Grab me while you can, grab this light while it is still burning. Do not wait until it's burnt out, or hearts grown cold, because it would be the same as the Lord would say 'I don't know you, the things you've done is not authorised.'

Kampar, such a beautiful place, too bad it is not my hometown. I'm armed with greater purpose. It would be pleased for me to serve my family in any way. Guard me Lord, I love this place, I really want mighty things to happen in Kampar. Not Dark Heaven, not enigma, only Holy Light, Righteous Living, and

love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

Yes Lord, it pleases you for a man with righteous living, without blemish, without compromising of moral standard, without any sense of sin. Though I'm weak, I am strong in you. Do not leave me.

All glory, all honor, all kingdom, all power, belong to my Father in heaven forever and ever. Amen.

Green file

2010-07-25T22:23:00.000+08:00

It may sound like a joke to you, but it is certainly my first time walking in the park in Westlake. Holding a green file with pen in it, I walked with eyes wandering around, since everything is so new to me.

Saw some poems, it's well designed, and I saw a friend practicing some sort of taekwando alone in the park. I sat, and start drafting my report.

The rain comes, I flee home and my friend fetched me for some decent dinner. I meet up with new friends, and luckily I had my file with me, so I can continue working on my report while my friends are playing chess after dinner.

This is life, isn't it? Forget to mention the morning breakfast, everything is just nice. At least I can cycle slowly, though the day is getting hot. I wander what is she doing right now after last night, hope she didn't lose the voice huh.

So it marks the maturity stage of my life. I am thankful for the fact that it has been another quality gathering with friends, though this time is a special one. I'm not used to be the focus of the event, and I hope A Box doesn't annoy them too much haha!

It is also the first time replying every (if i miss out) birthday wish message, though it's lengthy, but it cheers my heart with the fact that they at least have the initiative to type 'happy birthday' as part of their regular facebook activity. After all, the birthday celebration after my last mid-term for the trimester is a memorable one. Without their presence, it won't be happening.

I remembered I told the group at church that I like green, but I have no green shirt. It's a joke =D

11.06 Post Meridiem

2010-07-18T23:06:00.001+08:00

Beautiful song. My Jesus, I fall at your feet, and surrender all that is me, to see my savior..

Week 8 is coming. Let's not talk about study today.

These days are just extraordinary. I hurt my finger again in a recent basketball play, and yes, the same finger. I must determine to stop playing for a month and I failed to keep it until two days earlier. Now my feet also hurt here little and there, perhaps it is due to improper warm up.

Not much thing to share but I just want to write. Just one more sentence, please. 'You know, you better have a real good reason before you talk to me.' Familiar? hahahha

Just for some updates of my guitar learning. Now I can play a simple song with major chords like G, D, E, A, C, and especially C and F major, I like it very much. Sometimes before doing anything, or waiting anything to pass, I'll always have guitar on my side. I never know I will end up playing music instrument like today. And guess what, for catchy songs my hands are tempted to follow the drum beats, and it happens without fail, until I realize I actually air-drum it during a group discussion with group mate just now. After all, I hope it doesn't annoy them =)

So what's next? Maybe I should have something decent to eat tomorrow =D or something decent I don't know what will come across. It is just as mysterious as how my God will act every time. My church leader asked me, do you feel peace today?

Yes I am. With peace with God I've the true peace a man could enjoy. Walking alone to the basketball court instead of cycling was also something sweet to talk about, yet the most notable thing is that the weather for the evening is very good! Maybe we should get a chance to have walk in the park? haha

It's getting 11pm right now. I still remember how I've promised myself to get to bed before that time. Now I've found all these not helpful to me, because I realize the point that when I sleep, it's God who grant me the rest. In that way I'm rested physically, and in Him, my spirit is renewed.

And what? I'm getting healthy! Except the visible red face, still thin. I am thankful for who I am today. At least I can blog, I can laugh, I can see, and listen, and feel the surrounding. Maybe to them, I am a blessing.

After all, God bless me with a name, a name so easily recalled by people. You know how sweet it is for people to recall your name? And i've heard many versions of my name with different tone, but Ala Foo is real nice =D eh wait, I invented it myself and nobody is using it.

Nice drum beats, let all that is edifying and beautiful bring glory to God. Goodbye, and good night.

Your Love is like a Fire

2010-07-08T23:20:00.002+08:00

"How we live, shows what we believe."

Will share this in times to come. As for now, take care, and God bless you.

*Back

A somewhat good birthday celebration with a best friend aka classmate of mine just now.

Just few days break, I'm coming back with another album- Hillsong London- Hail to the King (2008). Let me just replay Love Like Fire from Beautiful Exchange album, for another time.

God challenges me. I can't exactly tell what it is but it's heavy. The commitment, the promise, and most importantly the sacrifice. Choices are ready, but I am scared. Lord I'm really scared. Why must I doubt you at this hour?

Feel exhausted in the car after a two-hour sitting, although that ice-cream is too sweet for me. The light of CGBC is not on, guess there is no working adult cell conducted tonight. I can immediately feel lost and wavering, wandering, like a person walking in the wind, just because one student cell is called off!

The feeling is like, I used to have a lighthouse to guide my path, a lamp unto my footsteps. Suddenly it's like the tour guide is gone, and who is going to lead this life of mine?

Imagine how much impact it is to me. My brother had and has reminded me again, that I'm living in this unholy world. God's word will be my need, or should i say, my ONLY need in times of need and help. I ask God to show me a scripture to justify my action, as student, as friend, as a child of my father, and as a child of God.

After all, I feel so insignificant. Though the fact is that nobody likes to be insignificant, but that strikes me real hard. I afraid the feeling of losing, abandoning, just like how I've lost my mom, my loved one. I don't want to abandon God. I don't intend to, and I do not even want a second thought about it.

What it says is right, the bible. When I'm well fed, I asked who is God? When I'm starved to death, I steal a bread from my neighbor, and thus fall short of God's glory because of my despicable sin.

Oh, what a dilemma. Proverbs 30:8-9

Gonna perform again. It's my honor to play music for you, God. Just as the lyric sings;

For your love is like a fire,

burn for all to see.

My only desire

is to worship at your feet.

A Home Talk

2010-07-07T22:19:00.007+08:00

Today i went to library again. I was planning to stay half a day in any air-conditioned environment so I picked library. No familiar faces detected as soon as i reached the newspaper corner (whatever we call that). The English newspapers were occupied as expected, so without waiting for my turn I went for the magazines.

Still waiting to cool down, immediately two books title themed 'the education and Japan economy' had caught my attention. I skimmed through the content since I had no intention to read every single detail in a short time, say, 30 minutes before my lunch. The focus of this post was that a striking word, illustrated with a photo in the bottom-right corner of an infamous magazine cover had caught my attention.

"Homelessness". I glanced through that particular section while standing, and leaving my sweater on the seat.

few hours elapsed...

A ride to and from New Town recalled me of this event. A recent provoke about my future career, partly due to some constructive conversations with friends, and partly due to my friends graduation photos.

The question now is not that where would I be for the next 5 years. In fact, let's make it short. Where would I be immediately after graduation ceremony? Kampar or KL or Bintulu? West or East Malaysia? There are times when I'm caught in dilemma, and that shows a poor demonstration of determination and self-confidence in me.

Consider this, my dad is aging, along with my brothers, my only sister, and as well as my immediate relatives. I am glad that I have a home today, in fact I was well taken care by people around me. I've never feel a sense of homelessness, thanks to the great love my family has for me.

And now, the 2-year master degree plan is going to test my limit. Why struggle in a rented room in Westlake while I have a comfortable single room in my home back in Bintulu, along with sense of security and familiarity my family has established for me for the last 17 years?

3 years and a half, I've learned along the way. Numerous falls, journey to the valley of death, and life to the fullest, all these has happened to me. Standing today, I am so well, at least I'm better off than many unfortunate, unloved people. Now my heart is troubled.

I have a home, and I have a future career I wish to pursue. Thing has come with a price, but I'm afraid the cost is too high to afford.

Standing at the cash counter, I opened my wallet, and only realized the fact that I've always have enough of money to spend. I will not know how it feels to spend my family's money, until I appreciate it. So, I need 3 years to understand how hard my family has been working to support my living here in Kampar. I should be put to shame if I'm not doing my part as a dedicated student, to bring the last stage of learning process unto completion- bachelor.

Having a tertiary education here in Kampar is perhaps the best moment I'm having. During these days, I have learned to enjoy the companionship of ordinary people.

Ran out of sentences. I never know how blessed my life is until i count it one by one... family, friends, community, leisures, health...

Stand strong, my friend. The future is ours.

Cool

2010-07-06T23:27:00.001+08:00

Words are good. They help to express one's inner feeling in the most comfortable way, the way the author wants it to be, either to emphasize on something, or to embed a message behind the sentence.

Water is good. It helps nourishes a person's alertness (well at least it kills my sleepiness) and overall well-being. A shocking truth is that 70% of our bodies is made up of liquid, hence water. Recently I've been reading a definition of 'water' in the biblical context, in which it refers water as 'cleanse'. It has the symbol of purifying and restoration to its original state. So drink more water yeah!

God is good. Well this point I can't argue much but it has been proven true and it stands the test of time. Over the centuries people are speculating of a supernatural God, who may be as well as the creator of the universe, the source of all truth. The God i know from Bible contained all the personalities i stated above, but most importantly our God is the God of love. If God didn't love us, we would not even exist today. So let's appreciate and thank God for the fact that we're living being on earth!

Teaching is good. A not-really-a-short-conversation with a friend in library has spurred up some dreams about my future career. Teaching may be my main option, with joining corporate world (CFO ehem) remained as immediate alternative. I'm planning to take both master and professional certificates, read MICPA. Perhaps we will talk more about it when I have a name card few years later =) Tell you what, I have lots of ideas of designing my own name card.

cool? we have a rain here.

4 kosong

2010-07-04T00:01:00.001+08:00

Just one more late night. Days are getting good, but not others. Justice shall prevail, though it is not visible in this fallen world.

Like a rising sun that shines awake my soul, so also people of God shall rise to the call and stand in His absolute truth. Let praise continues tomorrow morning, in glorious Sunday we are thankful, for our God has proclaimed it holy.

Things come with a price. Finger hurts while playing guitar, Leisure is sacrificed for more hours worked on tutorials. Yet true joy comes from contentment in God, in everything.

People are walking this way, or that way. Whichever way they go, they go with a big ME. They justify everything from the perspective of ME, initiates action in the best interest of ME.

and I was called from the people. I shall be thankful for who I am today.

It ain't bad spending the night in an air-con room, having near-perfect concentration in my studies. There was one cheerful shout in early 10pm, guess that was an early goal between Germany and Argentina.

So what's next? Sometimes I feel alone, but today is just special.

There are things I often neglect, but the Lord has corrected me. And today I brought somebody's umbrella home, again.

Good night, world. Status report ended.

Who knows

2010-07-01T23:43:00.003+08:00

Who knows? One day all teachers are applauding his excellency in speech, presentation, and demonstration of knowledge in specific area of study. The pride comes with a price.

Who will know? One day the one whom you hated the most is starting to bless you and say, "God bless you, God loves you." ?

Who will know this feeling? When everything seem good but I don't earn an on-par recognition by the society, I'm demotivated.

Who may know? When one day I broke down and hold my tears when the pastor said God loves me. Above all knowledge, above all wisdom, above all understanding as a human, I broke down because of awesome love my God is demonstrating through Jesus Christ.

Who care to know? When the world is in the chaos, when everything is not in order, when the evil prospers and the righteous is oppressed beyond the limit, endured the scoffing and mocking from the world, and start complaining to God how unfair my life is? Why even bother bringing me to this world?

Who actually know? When the issue is not even a matter of just and fairness, when Jesus Christ died for me on the cross do I claim that I have the right upon His blood to cleanse my sin? Am I not working all day long to desire to earn God's approval so that I live a righteous life by following all God's commandment?

By His wound, I am healed. While I am still sinner, Christ died for my sin. So God must be debating on me the issue of fairness if I were to say my life on earth is so undeserved and unrecognized.

Who knows? One day a man of God shall rise. He will be the city of the light, his role is as same as the vessel through which God supplies His unfailing love to the unloved people of the world.

Who will then get to know? That they actually can choose to be in corporate world, earning tons of wealth and enjoying limitless world-class recognition and fame this world could ever offer, yet, they choose to be in the house of the Lord, be the one who shine the light, advancing God's kingdom on the surface of the same earth where both our feet rest?

A nobody may not care to know, that God loves them, even when they rejected God.

Carefree. Eternity awaits.

2010-06-25T21:50:00.001+08:00

Lord God, thank you for took care of me all these while. When I did not know your name, i wander in this world with selfish ambitions, justify everything by what i see and think. When i know your name, thy blessing overflown me.

You must guard my brother in this critical time. The challenge and problem seems serious time by time. I have nowhere else to turn to, I decide to turn to God for comfort and healing. O Lord, please do not look at me in sin. I've sinned against your very commandment, judgment due against me by you is right, for you are just in everything you do and say.

Wash my hands, purify my heart, so that it will become as white as snow, pleasing and holy in Your eyes. Let me be the hired hands of yours, let me testify your goodness and mercy. We have hope for humankind.

Do not abandon me in this critical hour. I hold fast to your very word of God, all I need is prayer. My God is always faithful, He is good, and He is loving. I thank you for everything you have for me right now and for the things yet to come. Let me not focus only the deficiencies and lacking in my life, but let me count again how many blessings you have wonderfully and freely given me as a child, sealed in the name of Lord God Almighty.

You found me in my mother's womb, my mother was taken away and God's promise that He will not leave me as orphans is so true. For He despises not a broken spirit. You have found me at the best place at the best time.

All I have now, i count it all as lost, compare to know ONE savior, ONE redeemer, ONE creator, ONE love, ONE lord. He is Jesus Christ.

Everything

2010-06-13T23:24:00.000+08:00

My everything.

Total ownage for first 2 weeks. Let's boast not in my ability, I will rather praise God for what He is working in me right now. Third week is coming, cell has finally embarks. A dinner to be followed, then perhaps a surprise =D

It would be a cycling week tomorrow onwards. Well not much i can share here except the fact that i'm enjoying of being competitive in terms of academic. It's my honor to answer tutor's questions. It's my responsibility that i keep a healthy lifestyle to suit my university need as well as to regard learning process above all, above cheating, above skipping class, above leeching for people's answer. Above all, i'll be a student, dedicating, and delighting in the Lord's sight.

The Psalms really comfort me in my days of hurt. These two days, were another encounter and lesson I learned from God. I've learned to trust God. It is just that easy. Trust. And love, all summed commandments and the focus of Bible.

Love God, love one another. Amen.

Peace on earth

2010-05-31T23:33:00.000+08:00

It's the name of an album.

I regretted that I ever doubt God. I never know I will fall only this state but thank you because you miraculously resolve my issue of a sudden and I just feel that I am loved by God, by His trusted servants. Their words of encouragement really get me back on track to surrender and to follow Jesus.

Can I say Amen to that? Tomorrow will be another schedule and works till late 8pm. And I've been entrusted few things to be done. May all glory I had and have all belong to my God, who gives, and takes away.

Amen.

Ala Foo

2010-05-29T22:52:00.000+08:00

LOL i don't know i can be cheered so easily. Just a solo ride with scooter for 2 rounds made me extremely happy now. hahahahah.

3.15, nvm la. maybe i should get 1800 to buy that scooter, really fun to drive it!

but feel cold when driving at night, maybe i need a jacket =D

drive not even pass 40. hahahaha.

can't tahan liao. sleep =D

God love you all!

Motivation

2010-05-25T20:09:00.000+08:00

What is this. I'm lacking motivation to do anything. I've learnt many theories across my tertiary study, and I've adapted to every circumstances with the help of my God. But today I'm just feeling losing joy.

Well said is that Your joy is my strength, says the Bible. And now I'm filled with strength, but I've overlooked joy in my life. Yes, there is a commandment that I as Christian should rejoice, and again, Paul said rejoice in the Lord!

I've always determined not to bring laptop back to hometown, so that I can make use of every opportunity to accompany my family, which I've been lacking during study oustation for a close 4 years. What I'm thankful is that God blesses my family. He has kept my family safe, and also rebuked my doubt in God about my family condition while I'm in kampar. Perhaps the next few years are the most crucial timing for me as the path I chose is very likely to shape my way of life, the career I engage and passionate about, or even talking about having a companion.

I've been honest to myself, that if I don't own this iPod my life in bintulu may be a lot suffering in the sense of trapping in boredom for a week or two. I even rethink of my statement saying that KL life is no way interest me compared to Bintulu, my hometown. My mind just can't set right.

The truth is, I have determined to not bringing laptop home so that I will have plenty of time reserved for my family, while it serves as a challenge for a regular gamer and Internet surfer like me to escape from these addictive hobbies. In the end I am fooling myself, without laptop I'm just relying and spending most of my time on this iPod touch.

You may ask me how such a tiny and flat PDA can kill my boredom. Except for gaming purpose, I find it extremely useful in checking mails, msn, facebook, web surfing. I can't imagine that one day I can work remotely from traditional stationary computer, and this is what I've ectually experiencing right now. I'm virtually struggling to death for a life without electronic content; music, graphics, PDFs.

I installed many bible applications in it, including a custom made Jesus theme, you should be able to tell it by looking at the photos I've uploaded. Yet I've found myself walking away, slowly, silently, without awareness that I find less pleasure and intiaitive in reading bible, compared to the first time I first believe in God. Is it that I've obtained what I want from God, which my health and a light as direction of my life journey, and then quickly forget the fact that I should be what God wants me to be, and not asking God to bless me so that I can continue to enjoy the world?

I did feel the separation from the world in terms of perspective of life, ugliness and deceitfulness of mankind, and self-seeking. To be honest, I dig a book about teaching of Buddhism and having read that, I find many contradiction to what Bible says about God. I'm overwhelmed by the fact that the scripture of Buddism is at least 50 thousands 'book'. It prompt me a question of whether how much 'truth' they can find, and to correlate and supporting each other, such as the principle of 'i reap what I sow'? And another shocking belief is that Buddhism, according to the book I've read, denies the eternal nature of human soul. For everything comes and go according to the law of karma or 'cause-and-effect'.

But thanks be to God, while I'm having spiritual welfare about those 'sound' truth which Paul had already warned me beforehand, I've accepted the fact that I belong to Jesus Christ, and to him alone I worship and serve for the rest of my life.

Today I've rethink about having a companion. It may be interpreted as easy as 'because I feel lonely', which i've led such feeling to dominate my mind for the day. I have asked this, that just as God works in mysterious yet marvelous way, He is the God who put all things together for my good. Looking at the broken fan switch and kitchen lamp in my home, I am challenged that if I can fix this on my own if I were to be the master of this house in future.

So, what a great relief by just simply typing these out. I asked, who will pursue Christlikeness as I do? For those who fear God have real wisdom, and those who refuse to touch wicked things have real understanding. Yet in today's society i've seen so many deceitfulness, selfishness, self-righteous and self-seeking attitude as blendings in our routine activities. I even find fault in church-goer by simply listening to their conversation. Then what can I expect from the multitudes who think they are right all the time?

I judge, but the same measure will be judged against me by God. I better judge not. For the love of God is vast, and I like an interpretation of a pastor in Hillsong London, 'every time I preach about the love of God, it is so sad. It is indescriable, incomprehensible. For who will know how wide and how marvelous the love God has freely given us?'

Ecc 12:5-6

For the world You love

2010-05-20T08:54:00.004+08:00

Your will be done, let Your will be done in me. John 3:16

It has been nearly a week I'm staying back in Bintulu. I wonder what CGBC team is doing right now on its mission to Debak, Kuching, which I've been refrained to go.

So, eat-drink and be merry fill my day. FIFA 2010 in my Ipod is certainly something good to brag about, with my Manchester City owned MU the host, and currently ranked at upper half in season 1.

Some updates for my studies. The timetable is surprisingly satisfactory since I only have to attend 4 days class in a week, taking another 15 credit hours (5 subjects times 3) inclusive of off-class Research subject for Year 3 Trimester 2. Commencement date is 31st May. Another notable matter is that I wish to thank all of my friends, for they have demonstrated a heart to help. Regardless of motives of helping, I appreciate the fact that I'm not racing alone in my study journey, even it is as far as in Kampar, Perak. Tell you what, I am so excited to code my result (read SPSS statistical software). I mean, I'll ask my group mate to do it then I'll comment some of it.

Hearsay there's some cheap or zero fares offered by AirAsia till this Saturday. I've yet to get confirmation from my university in regards of graduation day next year, which I speculate it to be around March, if not February. Well, needless to say, after some 'hard' work throughout these 4 years, thing has finally come to an end, and maybe I will be honored in front of my family. Things are looking good.

Yet, I feel that everything is like chasing the wind. After a jog, a minor house gathering, and a badminton-table tennis play, perhaps we need more activities to utilize our presence here in Bintulu, or simply a hangout place to kill time.

Mall anyone?

For You and You alone

2010-05-13T23:47:00.000+08:00

awake my soul, awake my soul to sing..

Let me quiet down, in this quiet night. The rain continues after the service, people are getting lesser and lesser. What a shame to me, for this is the very first time I attended my own church's prayer meeting.

'For we have the weapon to demolish the stronghold of the unseen world. It's the prayer.'

Tonight's message is quite easy to absorb, partly because I have my burdens let go after the last exam paper yesterday morning. It sounds like this, 'with God, all things are good.'

When things aren't good, when I have 5 million and ended up that 5 million became my God, I should by then realise a cold truth that God is leaving me, along with His blessings and His promises. I just feel uneasy, and meaningless, even with many accomplishment in the world.

God, You know I am not willing to say that I am weak in faith, for You asked me about how much faith I have, so that I will act upon it and hold on to it. For good things, as simple as an enjoyable dinner, is a gift of God to me. How can I overlook that? Is it that my eyes can't see? Or my heart can't discern the perspective of God in my lives?

By that time, I should know that God has left me. I don't want to give empty words, empty promises, not even lip services, for the very thing I preached to others, I am the first one to violate it. O Lord, please have mercy on my forgetfulness and sinfulness. Please withhold the penalty due to me because of my rebellion against you, please cleanse me again in the power of blood of Jesus, Your beloved Son, my mighty Savior.

I always believe the thing will go as what I've planned, if I have faith that God is in control of it. I am totally wrong. I shouldn't only present my complaints and my requests and my projects to God, and ask His hands upon it. I've overlooked who is my master. I'm just, messed up the priority in my life.

2 days later I'll be home. Let me not waste it, but let me pray this again. Not only Your will be done in me, let Your light shine through me, and also alert me when things go wrong. I ask specifically for the alertness of my mind, and the protection of my heart. Let my eyes focus on my author and finisher, and perfecter of my faith, Jesus Christ. Let no things slow me down.

For enemy comes to kill, steal, and destroy, but You've come to bring life, and life to the fullest. Thank You for accompanying my university life. It has been another blessed trimester. What should I say. Should I continue to pray for safety and comfort so that I remain in where I am right now for the rest of my life? For indeed I praise You when good things happen to me, but will I not hesitate to come to You in times of despair?

Let me be Your witness, for all will see Your kingdom. Let men rise and take this place, we need more workers in this vast field.

Do not harden their heart, O God. For You have said, you have planted the seed of eternity in their heart. Perhaps one day we will seek You again in prayer, and let Your word always remain in us, comfort us, encourage us, minister to us.

Your word, is truth. Amen.

Take it home

2010-05-06T22:56:00.003+08:00

To start this, let us define what home is. Home is the destination we long for when we are getting so tired of the hustle and bustle of the city life. Home is the process where we get to know ourselves, our parents, and most importantly, who we are for, and who we will be.

Home, may be the heaven, the omega of all things. Or home could be even God, since he is the author, and the finisher of our faith. Our home, shall be with Jesus Christ.

These humanly definitions don't make any difference with the fact that God loves us unconditionally, and He longed for us to turn to Him, and turn ourselves into the temple of God, where God dwell. And in Him we shall take refuge, we shall have our strength renewed, we shall not fear any evil. For in Him we accomplish mighty things, through Him people experience the joy of salvation, for He has made all things good.

I often struggle about how does the world work. Does God allow bad things to happen? I mean, who allow all these calamities to fall on the unfortunate? Yet I will not call them unfortunate, but were, and are pre-destined by God, which we can't comprehend with our human mind. The truth is, the Lord God is just, is right, but at the same time all loving, all forgiving. He is the one describing Himself as quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to get angry.

As a testimony, I've experienced God's love, which is given to me unconditionally. In fact when we talk about 'deserving', I am not deserved to obtain all I have today. I've learned that 'for all are yours, and yours are Christ's, and Christ's, God's.'

So whatever we do, whenever we are, we could be easily shifting our focus away from Jesus and messed up things. Or I shouldn't be using 'we' since I can't generalize my experience to my fellow brethren. Today I've been listening to a podcast titled as 'trusting God'. I've learned to trust God in season and off the season. It's always easy to trust God, sing to Him freely when nothing holds us back, no pain, no worries, no fear, no tears. When all things are good, we're just too comfortable to act as a Christian.

Yes I profess myself as Christian, I capitalized the "C" to give honor to Christ, and I am the follower of Christ, for He has set me apart from the world.

Look at how Jesus prayed.

¹¹I will remain in the world no longer, but they are still in the world, and I am coming to you. Holy Father, protect them by the power of your name—the name you gave me—so that they may be one as we are one.¹²While I was with them, I protected them and kept them safe by that name you gave me. None has been lost except the one doomed to destruction so that Scripture would be fulfilled. ¹³"I am coming to you now, but I say these things while I am still in the world, so that they may have the full measure of my joy within them. ¹⁴I have given them your word and the world has hated them, for they are not of the world any more than I am of the world. ¹⁵My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one. ¹⁶They are not of the world, even as I am not of it. ¹⁷Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth. ¹⁸As you sent me into the world, I have sent them into the world. ¹⁹For them I sanctify myself, that they too may be truly sanctified.

John 17:11-19

How wish I am to paste it all here, for indeed God's Word speaks truth into our heart.

Clean, conscious, care

2010-05-04T22:03:00.000+08:00

I have been given three words since 2 days ago. This very day I've just got a 'care' word from God, when I'm utterly disappointed with my people who refuse to turn from their so-called ways and turn to You.

If they just don't care, I care. I can no longer care about what people think about their own work but please, today the Lord strengthened me again to care about this 'assignment'.

I am the one who signed my name on it, and I have the responsibility to bring it to an end. God is faithful, He has proven in me again that without Him i am withered like a branch broke off from its root.

So, like Job, with my thousands of sheeps slaughtered, and my relatives, and even my health, yet he refused to curse God. With everything, Lord, if only i'm allowed to say this, i withhold nothing from myself to know Your Mighty Name, God of Abraham, God of Isaac, and God of Jacob, the God of heaven and earth and sea and everything in it.

For who am i to question your wisdom about putting me here right here at this point of time? What can I do, except walk a life of faith in You? I may have completed my purpose under Your constant care and gracious hand on me, but how about them, Lord? Would you please take care of them too? The way you father me, You gave me Your salvation so I may have life, but how about them? They even question about your existence here on earth, relying completely on what they can see right now.

Lord, I don't need to see it to believe it. i hope they will one day, experience Your mighty power at work. Perhaps they may turn to you.

Blessed is the man

who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked

or stand in the way of sinners

or sit in the seat of mockers.

But his delight is in the law of the LORD,

and on his law he meditates day and night.

Psalm 1:1-2